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GAY CHRISTIAN
ONLINE INDEX
(Home)
CONTACT ME
(E-Mail Me; Write If You Need Advice, or Have a Question.)
WELCOME
(Website Background - What It Is Not; Its Beginnings, and History, etc.)
INTRODUCTION
(Website Purpose - What It Is; How It Can Help, etc.)
WEBSITE
EXCERPTS
(Overview of the Website - Brief Description of Each Website Article With Excerpts)
A PAGE FOR
STRAIGHT PEOPLE
(How to Understand Gays and Lesbians, and Gay Christians; Stereotypes and Misunderstandings; Just What Is a Gay Christian; Silly False Fears; Our Common Goals and Bonds, etc.)
THE CAUSE
OF HOMOSEXUALITY
(What Makes Someone Gay or Lesbian; Theories and Causes Explored; The Real Cause Finally Revealed)
THE
"SPOT THE GAY"
GAME
(How to Tell If "Someone" Is Gay or Lesbian - Game One; How to Tell If "You" Are Gay or Lesbian - Game Two)
MY AUTO-
BIOGRAPHY
(My Life Story: My Youth; Years of Marriage and Religious Service; My Name Change; Coming Out; My Current Life; Monthly Life Updates, and "What Is the Deal With All the Pinocchio Stuff" Finally Explained, etc.)
HOW TO BE
A GAY CHRISTIAN
(Despite What You've Been Told Otherwise - Scripture Study Without Debate: The Compatability of Sexuality with Christian Ethics and the Christian Lifestyle; the Law of Christ, the Law of Love, etc.)
TRUE VERSES
FALSE CHRISTIANITY
(True Spirituality - Religion Verses Relationship, Grace Verses Law, Absolutism and Perfectionism Verses Normalness, etc.)
GOOD NEWS
(SCRIPTURES FOR THE GAY CHRISTIAN)
(Helpful Scriptures For Life Arranged By the Fruit of the Holy Spirit: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Gentleness, Goodness, Faith, Meekness, Self-Control, etc.)
HOW TO BE GAY!
GAY CHRISTIAN SELF-ESTEEM
(Build Healthy Gay and Lesbian Self-Esteem and Adult Development - The Need for a Firm Life Foundation in Jesus Christ; Sources and Effects of Dysfunction; False Guilt And Shame; Stereotypes and Misinformation About Homosexuality; False Coping Skills; Destructive and Dysfunctional Behaviors; Sexual Compulsions; Positive Self Development; Positive Relationship Development; Coming Out; Beyond Coming Out; Creating Healthy Choices and Behaviors; Inner-Healing; Self-Love; Self-Image; Self-Actualization; Following Christ; Christian Principles For Life, etc.)
OPEN LETTERS
(Common Letters and My Replies, Among the Many Are: Is Being Gay Wrong?; Why Sodom Was Really Destroyed; The Role of Women, Cultural Stereotypes; Gay Stereotypes; Should I Come Out?; My Spouse Is Gay; Sex Outside of a Relationship; I'm a Battered Spouse; After a Relationship Ends; What If My Church Finds Out I Am Gay?; Does God Accept or Reject Me?; What About Pornography?; My Parent Is Gay; I Need Help Finding a Church; Is Masturbation OK?; The Role of Reproduction; I'm Gay and Married; Should I Leave My Church?; How to Understand Scriptures; Is Change Possible?; What Does Being Gay Mean?, etc.)
LIVING THE GAY CHRISTIAN LIFE
(Articles on - Salvation; Baptisms; Sanctification; True Holiness; The Law of Christ, the Law of Love; Sin; Forgiveness; Communion; Sacraments; Prayer; Fasting; How to Study Scripture; Giving; Witnessing; Serving; Christian Ethics; Making Friends; Healthy and Positive Relationships; Christian Sexual Ethics; Following Jesus - The Challenges and Responsibilities of Relationship, etc.)
GAY CHRISTIAN RELATIONSHIPS
(Developing Healthy Relationships - What if You are Gay And Married; Making Friends; Dating; Finding Good, Positive, and Healthy Relationships; Guidelines for Choosing a Church; How to Recognize a Good Church; Being Gay in the Christian World; Being Christian in the Gay World, Defining the Gay and Christian Worlds; Defining Yourself; Following Jesus - The Challenges and Responsibilities of Relationship, etc.)
COMING OUT AS A GAY OR LESBIAN CHRISTIAN
(Coming Out Right - The Successful Coming Out Process; Defining Sexual Orientation; Misinformation About Sexual Orientation; The Consequences of Living in the Closet; Who You Are and Can Be; Coming Out Internally; Before Coming Out Externally; Coming Out Externally; Beyond Coming Out, etc.)
SAME-SEX
MARRIAGE
CEREMONY
(Traditional Marriage Ceremony for Catholic or Protestant Christians; Format, Suggested Music, Scriptures, Text, etc.)
GAY CHRISTIAN ATHLETICS
(How to Pass Gym Class - Proper Diet, Nutrition, Protein, Carbohydrates, Fat, and Fluids; Supplements; Sleep; Sex; Body Care - Bathing, Hair, Shaving, Teeth, Hands, Feet, Nails, Piercings, Tatoos, etc.; Clothes - Fashion Styles, Underwear, Shoes, Swimwear, Shirts, Pants, Skirts, Hats, etc.; Choosing and Using a Gym; the Locker Room; Gym Etiquette; Proper Use of Gym Equipment; Warm Up Tips; Descriptions of Individual Exercises for All Muscle Groups; Personalized Exercise Plans, etc.)
REFERENCED AND RECOMMENDED BOOKS
(Books on - Being Gay and Married; Coming Out; Straight Parents and Families of Gays; Gay Dating and Relationships; Gay Parenting; Gays and Christianity; Gay Youth; Children; Gay Medical, Health, and Sex; Gay Legal, Social, and Psychological Issues; the Lighter Side to Being Gay; Other Gay Topics; Recommended Christian, Fiction, and Other Style Books, etc.)
OTHER INTERNET LINKS
(Links to - Gay Accepting Churches, Denominations, Religious Support Groups, etc.; Gay Christian Resources; Coming Out Resources; Gay Educational and Library Resources; Information and Truth on Ex-Gay Ministries; Fun and Interesting Resources; HIV/AIDS; Medical, Sex, and Health Issues; Gay Literature and Poetry; Gay Magazines and News; Gay Organizations; Gay Relationship Resources; Gay Parenting Resources; Gay Youth Resources; Search Engines, etc.)
MY MUSIC
(Music Composed and Published by Me - Classical, Celtic. Samples May Be Found on Various Pages, too)
MY POETRY
(I May Not Be the Best Poet, But I Try; and, Yes, Most of These Are Romantic)
THANK YOU
(Thanks For Visiting My Website)
SUPPORT THIS WEBSITE
(Financially Help and Support This Website, Donate Online)
HOW TO GET
THESE ARTICLES
(You may receive articles by donation, which can be either mailed to you, or the article file saved to your computer; multiple copies available, too.)
Copyright 2012-1997. All Rights Reserved. BBCB. USA.
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Gay Christian Online Picture of Ben And Pinocchio |  |
 YOUTH MARRIAGE AND YEARS OF CHRISTIAN MINISTRY NAME CHANGE
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 COMING OUT CURRENT LIFE
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 END OF THIS PAGE |
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Scottish Royal Coat of Arms Crest
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My family are of Northern Ireland, County Antrim, United Kingdom, with the family estate originally located south of Belfast. I am the 6th Earl of Broomhedge-Darlow (often abreviated as Earl of Darlow), of the former Scottish House royal peerage, Scotticus Regalis Honorarius, through my mother's mother's family, and and through my mother’s father’s family I am distantly related to Diana, Princess of Wales. | 
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Diana, Princess of Wales
The family peerage is without demand, meaning it no longer has any political or social significance, with the Parlimentary changes made decades ago. It remains title only. The original estate and lands in Northern Ireland were dismantled and sold long ago. Also, with several generations of only children, this reduced the family to now just my son and I. The last of my distant Great Aunts, and cousins passed away long ago. Here are pictures of the former titled family members.
 William, 1st Earl of B.-D. |
 William, 2nd Earl of B.-D. |
 Jennie, 3rd Lady of B.-D. |
 Jennie, 4th Lady of B.-D. |
 Marget Ann, 5th Lady of B.-D. |
 Ben, 6th Earl of B.-D. |
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Members of my family came to the United States of America to oversee wheat and oil land the family purchased in Kansas. I was born, and grew up dividing my time between the United Kingdom and America. | 
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 spent many years as a child in Hutchinson, Kansas, USA, in 1956; in America my parents became involved in local, state and national politics, as well as in the education field. I grew up knowing Presidents, Senators and Governors. |  |
 | Walt Disney's Pinocchio was the first movie I ever saw, at the age of four, 1960. I've had a life-long love for it ever since. I identified with Pinocchio, thought if I tried to be "brave, truthful and unselfish" I might become a "real boy." |
As a child, I had low self-esteem. Most of my childhood was spent either alone or with adults. I was not athletic, more interested in intellectual things. I was made fun of by my peers for not fitting in, for being tall and thin. I had few friends my own age. I made my first friend in "junior" secondary school, 1969, and who remained my friend into adulthood. If I did anything or went anywhere it was with him and his friends.
I never dated in secondary American schools at all, never went to the prom or any dances, 1971-1974. I got over my fear of people through music and theatre, but not my fear of being one-on-one with anyone, my fear of being rejected personally. In high school I worked in the Library and as a teacher's aide; additionally, I worked as the Assistant Librarian for a grade school. After graduating secondary school, I toured Europe with a choir, 1974. Throughout my adolescence, I mistakenly believed people would like me if I was the best, the smartest, the funniest, etc. I was the complete and total "nerd." While everyone else was wearing jeans and had long hair, I wore dress slacks, sweaters, had black-rimmed glasses, short hair, and carried a briefcase to school.
My parents moved to Phoenix, Arizona, and I was now on my own, attended school and university in America and London, 1974-1978. I saw love and acceptance in several fellow college students, but didn’t understand its source. My best friend, M______, was a Christian who was trying to be an ex-gay, struggling, believing wrongly you couldn't be Christian and Gay. Unfortunately, later on he dropped out of college, and out of sight for many years. Another friend, D____, would witness to me about the Lord; later she became like a sister to me, and the bridesmaid at my wedding. Every week M______, D____, and their friends asked me to go to a Bible Study, and every week for two years I told them no. Finally, I was so lonely, and they seemed to really love each other, I agreed to go with them to their Bible Study. After six months, I asked the leader of the Bible Study what made them so happy all the time. He said it was Jesus. I doubted it all at first, but one night in 1976, in my apartment, I prayed and told Jesus if He was real to prove it to me. Instantly, I felt I wasn't alone, and I've never felt alone since. This was my "born again" experience.
One of these fellow Christians became my best friend, S_____. Actually, she and I went to high school together, but we didn't know each other then. We never formally dated, we were just always together, and gradually with time we "became a couple." I married her in 1981 because I honestly loved her, believed it was what God, parents, society expected. We dated almost four years before we got married. She was my best friend, and I confused this friendship love with marital love.
See Also: Childhood and Adolescence, Salvation, Books Youth and Children, Youth Links.
 | to chat about your growing up experiences. |
was married for several years before I had any same sex attraction. I married my wife in all sincerity, with no "hidden life." As I became more and more successful in my life, in my career and social standing, my self-esteem grew and all these buried feelings I had been avoiding for years began to bubble up to the surface. Becoming aware of my same sex attraction resulted in years of guilt, prayers for deliverance, and finally burnout. At the time, I could not reconcile my religious beliefs and my sexuality, that I was a homosexual, gay, and a Gay Christian. I was afraid to be open about my feelings for fear of rejection and the loss of the life I had and my religious ministry.
I since have done extensive research on being gay and married, and on being a gay father. Many gay married men grow up with low self-esteem, arresting sexual development, becoming almost asexual, and not placing oneself in the position of acknowledging same sex attraction. They often avoid things like dating, showering in gym class, etc.
The majority of gay married men are not aware of feelings for the same sex prior to marriage. Same sex attraction becomes apparent through adult self-esteem development, and marital and/or same sex sexual activity. Most gay married men remain married for a variety of reasons, financial and social stability, children, etc. Those men who go on to divorce and openly living as gay men are those who come to the realization being gay is more than sexual activity. Statistics show despite attempts to maintain the relationship, after the spouse's same sex attractions are openly known, the marriage usually dissolves.
I tried to pray myself into change. I tried to bargain with God about it all. I tried to put it aside, ignore it. I threw myself more and more into zealous religious work in the hopes of getting rid of it all, and proving myself acceptable to God.
| Are you gay and married? Let's chat. |
See Also: My Husband Is Gay, My Dad Is Gay, I'm Gay and Married, Gay and Married, Books Gay, Lesbian and Married, Relationships, Books - Gay and Lesbian Parenting, Parenting and Family Links, Families Joined By Love: Books, Resources, and Community for LGBT Families.
During my marriage, I was very active in religious work, 1981-1991, in addition to my employment as a librarian. I served for a year as a lay Associate Pastor in the Presbyterian denomination, 1978. I left this to join the Charismatic/Full Gospel Movement. I was instrumental in the development and expansion of many independent churches. I served as an officer in the Full Gospel Business Men's Fellowship International, 1978-1988. I traveled the region speaking and teaching in chapters, churches and meetings. I was told I was an anointed speaker, with the gifts of exhortation, prophecy, wisdom and knowledge. I participated in revivals, conventions, retreats, committees, laid hands on hundreds of people in prayer.
Through the years, I participated in the Full Gospel Movement and the Religious Right Movement; I associated with many national Christian religious leaders such as Pat Robertson, Kenneth Hagin, Demos Shakarian, Kenneth Copeland, Corrie Ten Boom, and Jamie Buckingham, to name a few, and Jim Bakker once worked with me in acquiring a position with his PTL ministry.
After many years, I became concerned over the religious scandals of the 1980s and the direction and excesses within the Charismatic Movement. After all those years, still unable to reconcile my religion and my sexuality, I was tired, exhausted. I was not only dissatisfied with the climate of religion in my own city, state and the nation; I was dissatisfied with the climate of my own religious life. I burned out, resigned from Christian ministry, and sat at home for two years. During that time I didn't pray, I didn't read the Bible, and I didn't go to church. What really hurt the most was no one seemed to miss me. Here I was so nationally and locally well known and relied upon for so many years, and now I was hurting and no one seemed to care or even notice I was gone. I cut myself off from everything and everyone. I just sat, dazed.
| Are you in a church situation? Let's talk. |
See Also: I Hate Being Gay, What If My Church Finds Out I’m Gay?, Should I Leave My Church?, I’m Afraid God Will Reject Me, What Do These Scriptures Mean?, Guilt and Shame, Is Change Possible?.
was never angry at God, but at myself, people, life. About the time my son was born, after two years of sitting, I began to study the Scriptures, determined to understand God, others, and myself, and find the reason why I was the way I was.
I began to have a dream that repeated for a year, 1990. In it, a man would tell me my name was no longer "Brian" but "Ben." "Brian" is Irish meaning, "Strong," what I tried to be all my life. I didn't know this man, or why he kept bothering me. I was determined to confront him, and in time I did. "Why do you keep calling me this?," I asked. "Don't you understand anything?" he replied. I answered no; he looked in my eyes and said, "Jesus!" "Jesus? You know Jesus?" I replied. I never realized this dream could be spiritual, God trying to speak to me. "I have been sent by Jesus to tell you your name is no longer 'Brian' but 'Ben.' Now go look it up." His appearance changed; I realized he was not a man but an angel. I woke up.
I looked in a book of names, found "Ben," Hebrew for "son." I wept for hours. If I am a "son," then I have a "father," and not just a "Father," but as the Scriptures teach, an "ABBA," meaning "DA-DA." If I have a Parent, then I have a Parent who created me and loves me just as I am, a Gay Christian, with all my faults and talents, good points and bad. I began to heal; I later legally changed my name to Ben in 1995.
Through understanding Jesus’ Love, I was finally able to reconcile my spirituality with my sexuality; I am a Gay Christian. God’s Love does not condone the abuse or use of self or other people. God’s Love does not want us to be someone we are not, nor be less than we can be in life. God’s Love sometimes tears down temporal in order to build lasting things; sometimes wounds in order to heal. God calls us to relationship, not to "do," but to "be." Our being is to be this Love in all we are and do. God desires us to walk in our sexuality in accordance with Love, in holiness and with responsibility.
Now out to myself, and accepting myself through God’s love and acceptance of me, I was ready to come out to my wife, family, and the world. But, at that same time, after many years of marriage, my wife announced she was pregnant with our son, B_______, who was born in 1988. Stunned, I postponed coming out, wondered what to do now.
See Also: Healthy Risks, Letting Go of the Old Ways, Self-Love, Self-Image and Self-Acceptance, I Hate Being Gay.
 | et's continue to learn how I came out, made positive changes in my life, what I am doing today... |
Copyright 2012-1997. BBCB. All Rights Reserved. USA.
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