|
This Page - Gay Christian autobiography coming out, current life.
Search by word, phrase, or topic within this Website.
Website Featured On...
This page hosted by...
|
I regret not the marriage. I've had people ask me if I wished I'd known when I was younger that I was gay, and avoided all those years of being married. God always turns things for good in the end for those who Love Jesus. The separation was sad and painful, but I regret not the marriage, and my son was born.
For many years, my ex-wife and I remained best friends, doing things together with our son. In public, or at our son's school activities, people did not realize we were not married. She remarried, and at first I was very happy for her, and proud of her personal growth and growing maturity. But, it has proved to be a difficult marriage for her, and her husband will not allow her to continue our friendship because of my sexual orientation. When I came out, I believed what I was doing was for the best, and God would stand with me, as long as I stood with Him. In life, we have no guarantees we will be either hugged or slapped. If we try to avoid the slaps, we also miss out on the hugs. So, I finally risked in life, and I am the better for it. As you can see, I did suffer loss, and received many slaps; but, oh, how many hugs I have received, too.
Despite what you hear, statistics show the majority of coming out experiences end positively. It may not seem that way while going through it, but in time things improve. Time passing, being open, honest, and positive are the keys to success. As time passed, my situation improved, I made new friends, my family became supportive and accepting, I found a new church, co-workers began to understand and accept, even my ex-in-laws became friends again, and I always maintained and enjoyed the strong loving relationship with my son.
See Also: Coming Out, Beyond Coming Out, Should I Come Out?, Books Coming Out, Coming Out Links.
I live in Topeka, Kansas, USA, the capital of Kansas, on the western edge of the greater Kansas City metropolitan area. I divide my time between Topeka and Kansas City, having family and friends in both places. My hobbies and interests also involve both communities.
After learning to love and accept myself, it seems only natural I discovered physical self-esteem, too. I began working out at a Gym, improving my strength and toning my body. I wish now I'd learned to do such when I was younger, but better late than never. In 2003, I was in an accident, damaged my knees, shoulders, wrists, and face. The doctor bluntly told me if I had not been exercising I would have injured myself more; I was able to strongly brace and absorb the impact. Later, I've developed an inherited form of arthritis, lost the partial use of my right thumb, can no longer lift heavy weight, have daily pain, and limited motion.
 Ben & Giant Milton Bradley Monopoly Board I collect Homer Laughlin original and new Fiesta China; theme and foreign editions of the Milton Bradley Monopoly Game; the BBC television show Doctor Who items, DVDs/videos, and books; and, Disney Pinocchio new and antique memorabilia, including original prints, drawings, and collectables.
If interested, you may view more pictures of my family and I.
In a few years, Chris and I can retire from our present employments, around the same time our son will graduate from college. Once our son is out to college, Chris and I will decide where we want to live, probably within convenient traveling distance to our son. Our son is considering majoring and seeking employment in International Finance and Business. So, who knows where we may settle down, either somewhere in the United Kingdom, Europe, or the United States of America; although I know once we retire, we will be spending a lot of our time traveling.
Regular Current Life Updates Do I write a regular Blog? Am I a Blogger? Long before the term "blog" was invented, from this website's beginnings, I included a monthly update of my life, events, things I have learned, experienced, shared. Only recently did I begin archiving previous years. I enjoy reading biographies; I like them not just for the interesting lives and stories, but they assist me in learning from other people's experiences how to handle life and life difficulties. I hope this (b)log of my life helps you. Thanks, Ben
Copyright 2008-1997.
To Regulate the Music Playing On This Page |
WEBSITE
Copyright 2008-1997. All Rights Reserved. 
Graphics & Music Used Are Believed Public Domain Unless Otherwise Noted. Some Graphics Courtesy Of...
o continue the story...
was married, a father, and a Gay Christian. For me, I knew remaining married was not Love. I never felt the "two as one" most straight married couples describe about their relationship; I felt like I was married to a best friend, or sister. I realized it was unhealthy for her and I to remain married, we would be better persons, and even better parents, if apart than together. So, I put my wife first, and in Love, I set her free, 1994. I needed to let her go, out of Love, so she could go on and grow; I, also, needed to move on and grow. I trusted the Lord for my wife, that through this change she might grow to be a better person, too. My son was old enough to understand what was happening, and he preferred to live with me.
Being openly homosexual, gay, and a Christian, I knew I was going to lose the world I knew, and I did. I lost friends, my church and religious service, co-workers turned from me, I lost my home and financial stability, and my parents withdrew from me for a time. I was not permitted in the doors of many churches, considered the "pink sheep of the family." My best friend of eighteen years, and our wedding bridesmaid, D____, quit speaking to me, refused to see me, sent me a letter telling me off, and broke off our friendship. My best male friend and wedding best man, D_____, of twenty-five years, male friend and wedding attendant M______, of twenty years, also broke off all contact with me. I have never heard from any of them since. I tried for many years to restore fellowship with them, by personal contact, letters, and cards; but, finally I left them all at Christ's feet, and moved on.
Before you come out to others it is important to fully come out to yourself, not just know you are gay, but are positive about it, see it as healthy and normal. Come out first to someone close whom you trust, and then move outward to others, ever respecting them in their feelings or reactions. When you come out to someone, in a way you are putting him or her in a closet. Just as it took time for you to come out to yourself and others, so may it take time before they can come out as the parent, sibling, friend or co-worker of someone gay or lesbian.
I came out to everyone and everything. When I went to my 20th school reunion, 1994, I told everyone I was gay and they replied, "What's new?" It seems everyone knew I was gay except me. Even when I came out to my family they replied, "Well, now that we think about it all, we're not surprised." About this same time I was reunited with my college friend, M_____, the one who struggled with being Christian and gay. He was now happy, at peace with himself and his gay sexual orientation. I reconnected with another gay college friend, J___, and I learned he had a crush on me back in college, but I was too clueless to notice at the time; but, he said he finally got over me, and moved on.
After my separation and divorce, 1994, I connected with my first gay friend and distant cousin, C______. After we met, he told me he had HIV/AIDS; he acquired it in the early 1980s, before anyone knew what it was or how you got it. We were friends and then briefly roommates, 1994-1995, until his health failed. I was his caregiver until his death in 1999. He was an encouragement to me, taught me to enjoy and experience life. I learned the truth of Christ's message to serve even the "least of people," especially those who hurt and are heavy burdened. I saw Jesus minister every day to C______ and bless the people who cared for him; I saw C______ bless others in the midst of his struggles.
Through C______'s church, I met N___. N___ worked for a travel agency, often gone on lengthy tours. I successfully house sit for him so many times while he was gone, he just asked if I would like to be roommates. N___ was a Christian, father to a grown daughter, and a good friend. He let me use his computer; this website had been just a single page size since 1990, and now it began to expand with several articles added in 1997. We were roommates, 1995-1999, until his family and career moved him to another city. Then, my son and I finally got our first place to live together on our own, a townhouse apartment, 1999-Present, and my own computer to expand the size and outreach of this website to its present size.
I am a Librarian, since 1978; I do not work in a public library. I operate two libraries for women who are incarcerated, providing them with materials and services to help them in their treatment and rehabilitative processes. It is more than just being a typical librarian. You are often also a teacher, counselor, mentor, coach, friend, male role model, and pastor to them. It is personally very rewarding, but often mentally and emotionally exhausting work.
Additionally, I 
I finally felt and found the "two as one" relationship when I met my life partner, Chris. Chris and I have been partners since 1995, friends even longer. Chris lives in Kansas City, Missouri, which is sixty miles east of Topeka, Kansas, and all part of the same large metropolitan area. We have too much invested in our employment and retirement benefits, so right now we do not live together; it is not a big drive, and we talk to each other regularly. Chris and I attend church in Kansas City, Missouri. Generally, we see each other on weekends, holidays, and other special times. Chris is very kind, quiet, independent, stubborn (though he stubbornly denies it), secure, and practical. He cares deeply about his family and other people, and is very professional and respected in his business. He once asked me why I love him, and I replied it is because he is so "boringly normal."
Our son, B_______, remains the pride and joy of my partner and I. He is now attending college, a freshman, his first year. During his public school years, he was active in Scouts and Soccer, in music and Band, playing cornet, and almost always on the Honor Roll. I volunteered with the secondary school Band, traveled to competitions and sporting events; the students said I was their favorite parent/chaperone. In 2005, was honored to travel with him on a music tour of Europe (United Kingdom, France, Switzerland, Austria, Italy, and Germany); he performed in the band, and I sang in the choir. In 2006, I was a chaperone for him and the secondary school Band when it played in a national football Bowl Game. Although he is now away at college, we remain in touch with each other regularly, and he regularly comes home on holidays. Moving off to college was only a minor adjustment for me; I grew up an only child, and I am used to being alone. I always have activities, projects, and hobbies to keep myself busy.
My mother died in 2001, after struggling with breast cancer for eight years; I miss her terribly, we were very close. My father, who is in his eighties, is doing well, despite hip replacement, but I have to keep an eye on him and his health. For thirty years, my parents were retired and living in Phoenix, Arizona. But, after mother's passing, my father moved to Kansas to be closer to us. Chris' mother, brother, and family all live in the Kansas City, Missouri area.
Daily life is pretty routine, going to work, hobbies and interests at home, and spending time with Chris. In between is laundry, chores, maintaining this website and answering its daily e-mails. I enjoy Classical, Country, and Celtic Music; Theatre, especially musicals or mystery dramas; Disney Movies, of course, but also other types of movies, animated, action, musicals, dramas, and comedies; Classical, Medieval, Renaissance, Pre-Raphaelite Art; hobbies include 
I am 6'1", 175lbs, auburn hair, blue eyes, very short style three-day beard, glasses. I 
Through the generations, members of my family had a history of either not marrying, or being only children; thus, my family has always been small. My son and I now remain the sole representatives of our family and peerage. Even the original estate south of Belfast, Northern Ireland, is now gone, and the home no longer there. But, my son and I continue our ties with Northern Ireland, London, and the United Kingdom, with regular visits there.
