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This Page - Gay Christian autobiography regular life updates (Blog, Blogger) for the year 2004.
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Is this a Blog? Am I a Blogger? Long before the term "blog" was invented, from this website's beginnings, I included a monthly update of my life, events, things I have learned, experienced, shared. Only recently did I begin archiving previous years. I enjoy reading biographies; I like them not just for the interesting lives and stories, but they assist me in learning from other people's experiences how to handle life and life difficulties. I hope this (b)log of my life helps you. Although, some people may be disappointed, there rarely will be found here any comments about religion or politics. Feel free to contact me if you have any questions, comments, or would like to discuss further something mentioned herein. Thanks, Ben I honestly never thought about archiving the website's previous ten years worth of monthly updates of my life. However, I finally started, and here you may find these past listings. Thanks.
Our son and I flew to Phoenix to spend Christmas with my father, and Chris spent the holidays with his mother and brother. The weather in Phoenix was cool and rainy, and it was warm and sunny back home, HaHa. We had a quiet Christmas with my father, didn't do much, helped him around the house. We did some discussion of his moving back to Kansas, too, to be closer to us, and due to his age, and the passing of mom. New Year's, Chris, our son, and I did some movie marathons to get caught up on films we wanted to see, spent a quiet New Year's Eve at home watching television, and had several nice dinners together. Chris' mother is on holiday for a month, so our son and I are babysitting her cat for a month, as Chris is alergic. We will, of course, spoil her, since we are not used to having a pet.
I continue to fight bills, and trying to keep finances stable, especially now that our son is living with us full time. He eats us out of house and home, and wearing adult clothes now. Add to that school expenses and... ouch. November finished up the band performances for a while, until basketball season starts after Christmas. I've been using these free weekends again to get errands done. Thanksgiving will be with Chris' brother's family, the twins; our son is with his mom's parents (grandparents). Chris and I will do some window shopping, take in some movies, and of course, I have to watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade on television. Chris just shakes his head and wonders who's the youth in the family. HaHa.
The month was spend mostly on a bus, or so it seemed. Every weekend my son had band activities, either football games, or band competitions. I volunteer to help transport and set up the instruments, and other duties, as well as help supervise the students. I am told I am their favorite adult. I think this is because I originally majored to teach teenagers, I know how they think. Plus, I am still playing catch up on my own life, since my younger years were spent being a fuddy-duddy; now, I am enjoying life and the things I missed during those years. I enjoy listening to the teenagers talk about their lives, hopes, dreams, frustrations, and big ideas, all totally normal, and refreshing. It's a great self-esteem boost for me, but total frustration for my son when other students say, "Your dad is so cool." Another thing coming out of this is a reawakening of my original life goal, teaching high school. I am considering what I will do when I can retire from this library position in a few years, when our son is off to college, and Chris and I will be on our own. I thinking teaching would be a great experience. So, I am considering it. The month ended with cuteness. Chris' mother's birthday is Halloween, and his brother invited us all over for dinner for his mom. Plus, it was also his brother's twins first Halloweeen, age two. They were dressed in cute lion and bumble bee costumes, and we walked the neighborhood with them while they went trick-o-treating for the first time. Lots of fun, lots of pictures. Besides loving Chris so much (I know he reads these monthly updates, hehe), I love and am so thankful for his family, their love and acceptance of me, and of us as a couple.
Our son's second year in high school is now in full swing, and that means my involvement with his band, traveling with them to football games, helping set up the field, load and unload equipment. I really enjoy it. My trip to Phoenix interupted our anniversary, but Chris and I exchanged gifts when I got back. While apart he was very helpful by phone giving me ideas, and encouragement. The month ended with my birthday. Chris and our son took me to the Kansas City Plaza Art Fair, and the annual Renanuance Festival. It was the Scottish weekend at the festival, but only I wore the kilt, Chris and our son declined. But, it was nice, lots of people in kilts, Highland Games, music, food, and merryment. Chris bought me the new released DVD set of Star Wars, and our son got me the Disney DVD Swiss Family Robinson; way cool. No, I am not going to tell you how old I am. Let's just say my son often says I act younger than him, but my body reminds me of my real age every morning.
The month also brought our son's sixteenth birthday. He got his own cellphone, to the frustration of Chris, who doesn't like cellphones. But, he got the same kind I have, you only pay for when you use it, so, there is no chance of him running up bills, nor using it for reasons other than emergencies, or to tell us where he is, etc. Chris also got him several nice shirts to start the school year. We took him out to dinner with several of his friends, and had cake at the restaurant. Our son is a sophomore in high school this year, and I will again be volunteering to travel with him and the marching band, to sport games, and competitions. I really enjoy spending time with him, his friends, and the band. It again has reawakened within me my love of teenagers, and I continue considering the idea of someday going back into teaching, when I can retire from my present librarian position.
July brought my 30th high school reunion. I looked forward to it, because at my twentieth reunion there were many classmates who were gay and lesbian, I enjoyed visiting with them, learning about their lives and experiences. This time, it was different. Not as many people attended. Everyone seemed to chat with people they knew when in school; not having many school friends, it made me feel alone, isolated again. I spent the evening watching other people chatting or dancing. None of the gays and lesbians from the previous reunion attended again. This time, I found myself having several conversations with straight classmates who felt the need to come up and tell me they support gays and our "cause;" one woman even asked me to dance, trying to make me feel at home. I know they meant well. I am still glad I went, but it was not as I expected. It was shocking to also learn so many classmates have passed away. Makes me wonder what the 40th reunion would be like, if I will be living close enough to attend, as I would be retired by then. The Class President wanted to conclude the evening by singing the school song. Everyone knew I sang in the choir, so I helped lead everyone in singing it.
May completed our son's first year of high school. He stayed on the honor roll all year, and we got a bumper sticker that we proudly put on our car, to the embarassement of our son, saying "Proud parent of an honor roll student." It also was the conclusion of his first year in Band, in which he lettered, receiving it and other recognitions at an awards banquet. At the end of the month, I helped his band set up to play for the graduation ceremonies. The month ended with the Memorial Day Holiday. We wanted to take a short trip somewhere, but couldn't find any available hotel rooms. So, we just stayed in Kansas City, saw the movies Troy, and Shrek 2, and visited the Kansas City Zoo, where they have a brand new baby rhino. It was cute, but sleeping. Chris wanted it to move or something. I told him the next time I will call ahead and tell them to make sure it was awake and walking around; after all, anything for my "sweetie." HaHa.
However, I confess it was a difficult discouraging month. I've been letting things get to me, build up and bother me. One of those "know better, but you're human anyway," moments. Finances are not strong for neither Chris nor I, health problems, burn-out in our jobs, and a pervasive loneliness for not being able to fellowship locally either in being able to make any friends or in finding a church. Chris' mother had knee surgery Easter weekend, so that cancelled our regular family and church activities. I found myself alone, down, depressed, going through the motions but feeling numb inside. I was determined to visit some church for Easter, but my arthritis medications caused me to oversleep, which just made me the more discouraged. I ended up visiting a Catholic church that evening, and heard a positive, reassuring message from a nun. "Both Judas and Peter betrayed Jesus, and both felt bad about what they did. But, the difference between them was Peter returned to the Lord, but Judas did not. Peter had a relationship with Jesus, knew Jesus loved and accepted him, even when he let Jesus down, and knew he could return and be restored; but Judas never really knew Jesus like Peter did, Judas never accepted that truth, and his self-hatred consumed him." I've always been honest and upfront in this website. You may think I am some super saint, or super Christian, but I am human, just like you. Since then, I've been praying and studying the Scriptures more, doing the work that can be done in life, and leaving the rest with the Lord. God meets us where we are. The month ended more positively, with many recognitions of God working daily in my life, reassuring me of Jesus' love.
I was a full time Dad taxi for our son this month. His high school basketball team went to the state championship finals. His high school band had to play for all the games. So, that meant one game after another for several days and a weekend. It was fun, and I ate a lot of pretzels. Other days were spent cleaning houses, my part-time work to make ends meet. Chris' mother is going to have knee surgery in April, so I also cleaned her house for her. Chris and I went to see the movie The Passion of the Christ, after hearing all the talk and controversy about it. Chris and I were both impressed with the visual professionalism of the movie. I was disappointed in the historical and Scriptural inaccuracies, the extra non-Biblical additions, and the over emphasis on the suffering of Christ, and not enough emphasis on Christ's resurrection, and His teachings. St. Patrick's Day was a disappointment this year. Our son was not out of school on Spring Break at the same time, first time this ever did not match up, and I could not get off work for the day. So, neither my son nor I marched in the parade carrying the flag, and wearing our kilts. We even couldn't go to the evening music festivals because his school scheduled our son's high school band performance that evening. But, perhaps we needed a break. There is always next year. My doctor check-up on the arthritis situation results are to keep doing what I am doing. Even on the days I felt up to going to the gym, I was too busy with work and son activities to make it in the door. Very disappointing; but again, there is always next month.
Right before the holiday we were struck with two back-to-back snow storms that dumped a total of fourteen inches to two feet of snow. We were both off work several days, and our son unable to go to school. Chris and I were isolated from each other for two weeks, just able to chat by telephone and e-mail. It was very beautiful, but a real mess. Our son and his teenage friends made a giant snow fort, had a big snowball fight, and went sledding. The rest of the month was mostly trying not to get sick or recovering from getting sick. Chris' mother had some kind of flu or something for over a week. Chris was sick twice with something similar. I was sick for about four days with something, running a fever, not hungry, etc. Basketball seaon finished, so our son's performances in the school band at athletic activities is finally over; I've been a dad taxi since September. Because of our son's professionalism at the school's band trip to the Sugar Bowl in New Orleans, and his good grades, he has been chosen to represent the band on a trip to Europe in the Summer of 2005. We are just now getting the details, but are very excited about it. It will mean summer jobs for him, using our income tax returns, and lots of fundraisers to pay for the trip. But, we will get him there somehow. You cannot pass up such opportunities. When I was in high school, I was chosen for a similar choir trip, spent three weeks touring and performing in Europe. We are very proud of him.
After my father returned home from his holiday visit here, he went into hospital. It was the same thing he had here two years ago, inflamed pancreas. He is eighty years old, and this was the first time we had a health situation with him at home and us one thousand miles away. He was in hospital for only a few days, but it was a reminder to us how quickly life can change. Chris came to Topeka the middle of the month for the weekend, and I completely pampered and spoiled him with my cooking. We found some unbelievable sales, picked up some shirts for our son for upcoming Valentine's Day. I made it to the gym several times this month, mostly to maintain cardio, but I also did some light weight lifting.
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Chris and I got all our Christmas shopping done the day after Thanksgiving, and by the following weekend. It is a cheap Christmas this year, money is tight, but we got very good prices and sales on clothes and DVDs for our son and each other. Chris surprised me by giving me several new pieces of Scarlet Red Fiesta, and I surprised him with Rudolph, flannel sheets, and Rudolph china from Pottery Barn; he loves Ruldolph.
My first sinus infection of the season, felt icky all month. Doctor said sinus surgery wouldn't work for me for very long, so I take my medications and do my best. Unfortunately, the worst of it came at the same time as our big weekend of the month, Chris' brother's twins second birthday party, and our trip to see in concert Country Music performer, Keith Urban. I got through both, and Chris was a great help to me. The concert was wonderful, very impressive, we were three rows back (I stood in line for hours in thirty degree weather for tickets), and the twins were as cute as ever. Chris has been doing a lot of babysitting for them, too.
