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Celebrating Eighteen Years Of Ministry,
Peace and Hugs, Ben
"What does it mean to be homosexual, to be gay, a gay man or a lesbian woman? What do gay people want? How do they live? What is a Gay Christian? The easiest way for you, a straight person, to understand gays and lesbians, and homosexual sexual orientation, is to reflect on or think about your own sexual orientation." "Surprisingly, the majority of gay individuals desire and follow the same things as you when it comes to sex and relationship... There is just as much diversity within the gay and lesbian community as there is within your straight community... What most gays and lesbians want is the same basic things you have and enjoy." "Within the diverse gay and lesbian community are found gay and lesbian Christians. They have found personal faith and relationship in Jesus Christ, committed their hearts and lives to Christ. They follow the same beliefs, tenets, doctrines, dogmas, and beliefs as you within the Church." Further reading at A Page For Straight People.
"What causes homosexuality? What makes people gay? Scholars, scientists, and religious teachers have been debating this topic for decades, theories abounded on the "causes" of homosexuality. Generally, these theories included the "dysfunctional relationship between parent and child," a "confused traditional gender role," the "results of sexual abuse," or due to "genetics." But finally, now for the first time, we have scientific evidence of the origin and real cause of homosexuality. First, let us look at various past theories and beliefs about the cause of homosexuality..." "Recent studies by the Prague Institute of Human Sexuality reveal finally the true cause of homosexuality. The study began in 1974, and last twenty-two years. In the study, university staff interviewed, psychologically evaluated, and medically tested over seven hundred men and women who identified themselves as either exclusively homosexual or heterosexual. They excluded from the study persons who fit any of the previous theories on homosexual origin, and those who had been sexually abused, suffered from psychological gender confusion, etc. Their data and findings were then given to the London Research Foundation on Sexual Studies for comparison and confirmation. For additional study, and comparison by social and religious scholars, they submitted their findings to the St. Augustus Theological College and Seminary in Chicago, Illinois, and the Williamsburg University Department of Sociology and Psychological Research, Norfolk, Virginia. Together, these colleges and institutes jointly revealed their findings and conclusions, published in the October 1999, issue of the Journal of Sexual Medical Practices and Science, "The Cause of Homosexuality"..." Further reading at The Cause of Homosexuality.
"Have you ever met someone and wondered, "Is he gay?" What about a family member, and you thought, "I wonder if she is a lesbian?" I often get letters from parents, friends, family members, co-workers, even wives or husbands wondering, worrying, concerned, or just curious about someone they know, if that person might be homosexual or heterosexual, gay or lesbian. So, here I offer a guide (in game form) to assist you in telling if "someone else" is gay, lesbian, or straight, another guide (in game form) to tell if "you" might be gay. I hope this will assist you in knowing more about people who are gay and lesbian, and how to relate to and understand them..." Further reading at The "Spot The Gay" Game One and Two.
"Through understanding Jesus’ Love, I was finally able to reconcile my spirituality with my sexuality. But, I was married and gay. So, I put my wife first, and set her free. In being openly homosexual, I knew I was going to lose the world I knew, and I did. But what I lost wasn’t real because I wasn’t being real. I finally risked in life, and I am the better for it." "I have a life partner, Chris, who loves God, my son and I. Chris and I have been life partners for ten years, friends even longer. My son remains the pride and joy of my partner and I. He is in high school. He loves the Lord." Further reading at Ben’s Autobiography.
"Gay, or homosexual, Christians are taught they can't exist, they are broken, fallen. But, they do exist, they are now unbroken, healed, accepted and able to be themselves fully, loved and blessed by Jesus Christ." "We get our identity in Christ, not in sexual orientation; our sexual orientation is but one of the many facets which make us human. It does not matter what your sexual orientation, it is how you reverence, use and express it that matters." "A Homosexual Christian is bound by the same guidelines as a Heterosexual Christian, i.e. live a life sober, respectful of persons and property, temperate, non-judgmental, honorable, self-sacrificing, gentle, faithful, and all other expressions of Christ's Law of Love." "If Christ lives in your heart, who can say otherwise. Live your life, including your sexuality, with responsibility, in all holiness, and in Love through Jesus Christ." Further reading at How You Can Be A Gay Christian.
"A Christian is not on what you do, but who you are; who you are will determine what you do. The definition of religion is 'a set of rules, regulations, a system of beliefs or practices,' whereby mankind tries to connect with God. Christianity is the only religion that is not a 'religion.'" "As a gay person, it is very easy for you to get involved in religion, in the hopes you might either be 'cured,' suppress, deny or hide it. True Christianity teaches you how to be yourself, and celebrate self with responsibility, joy, peace, faith, hope, and Love." "True Christianity is a relationship. God has given you Jesus, to guide you into the life plan best for you. Religion requires you to do things because you 'have to;' Relationship because you 'want to.' Religion falsely tells you to do them to gain perfection, love and acceptance with conditions; Relationship shows you that you already have such without conditions." Further reading at True Verses False Christianity.
"Here are Scriptures that I feel provide good guidance for Gays, Lesbians and the Gay Christian. They are arranged by the Fruit of the Holy Spirit, as found in Galatians 5:22-23, But the fruit of the Spirit is Love: Joy, Peace, Longsuffering, Gentleness, Goodness, Faith, Meekness, Temperance: against such there is no law. I encourage you to use them as a guide for Christian Living to assist in your Walk With God, and to help in areas of struggle, need, edification and encouragement. You may send me your favorite Scriptures." Further reading at Good News.
"As time has passed and as I have spent time assisting people in their walk with Jesus it is my firm belief the majority of difficulties people experience regarding sexuality and sexual orientation really have nothing to do with these issues." "Rather, they instead wrestle with self-love, self-image, self-acceptance, self-actualization and self-esteem. When these truer issues are addressed in Jesus Christ then the sexuality and sexual orientation will naturally and without effort fall into place and its proper holy expression."
"We will discuss stereotypes and misunderstandings about homosexuality, false coping skills, false guilt and shame, the effects of childhood and adolescence on adult development. We will talk about substance and sexual addictions, poor or unhealthy choices and how to make positive ones, letting go of old habits and ways, and developing positive relationships with yourself and other people. Finally, we will learn about applying self-love, self-acceptance, and self-actualization, coming out, and being your full self." Further reading at How To Be Gay! Gay Christian Self-Esteem.
"I decided to share with you some of the common responses I give to people who write to me (their real names and detailed circumstances have been changed), so you might be able to learn and grow from them as I have. Here are some examples of questions I receive."
Further reading at Open Letters.
"In Christ, you are now set apart from the old person you were and ways of thinking, to a new person and ways of thinking, a new world. Often, it may appear you are at war within yourself, tempted to return to the old ways of life. If you try to live up to the standards you believe a Gay Christian should live by, you will fail miserably. To grow, you do not strive but abide, abide in Christ and His Love." "Under Christ, all things are lawful, but you do not have a license to them all, refrain from those things, which are not in accordance with the Love of God planted in your heart. Liberty in Christ's Love means showing respect and care for yourself physically, emotionally, intellectually and spiritually. Ethics is not what people say regarding how you should or shouldn't live, it is what the Spirit says to you." "You express your sexuality in Christian Love. Do not deny your sexuality, for that would be denying a part of yourself, rather accept it and channel it properly through God's Love. Date, and relate to others in agreement with the Law of Love." "You may stumble, but you should not knowingly follow a path of behavior or attitude you know is in contrast to what God has revealed as right and good for you. If you do error, you have Jesus Christ, seek and receive forgiveness and restoration. There is no error so great God's Love for you is not greater still." Further reading at Living The Gay Christian Life.
"First let's talk about the difference between sexuality and relationship. Sexual orientation is generally defined as the gender to which you are sexually attracted. I disagree with this definition. I believe the truer definition of sexual orientation is 'the gender to which you are relationship attracted.'"
"I am a gay parent; people often ask me if my child knows I am gay. Sharing information on sexuality should be appropriate to the child's age and in direct relationship to the question asked. Love your child(ren), put Christ first, then your child(ren) shall see your Love and the Lord living in your heart. This shall help your child understand your sexual orientation, help combat the fears or misunderstandings that may arise in that visibility." "You cannot control the actions and reactions of people, but you can control your own actions and reactions. In everything you are and do, you should reflect Christ. Be not ashamed of your life or your Christianity; reflect both openly. Your sexuality is a part of what makes you who you are, you are not called to be ashamed of it, but to walk Christ-like in it." "A Successful gay relationship? Relationships which are founded on the physical level rarely survive nor endure the hardships and ravishes of time, but relationships founded on Love, a molding of two spirits as one, endure, grow, produce much fruit, can withstand storms of life. Give your desire for a relationship to God. Do not approach every person you meet as a possible mate, but rather a sibling and friend in the Lord, lest your mind be on the search and not on people." "How to live as gay in the Christian world? The Church is composed of flawed people, you cannot throw 'the baby out with the bath water' every time it lets you down or doesn't live up to your expectations. You have a valuable place in the Body of Christ, your gifts and talents are needed, you cannot serve if you are not open, you cannot Love if you are hidden." "How to live as Christian in the gay world? The only thing gay people have in common with each other is their sexuality. The majority of their individual lives vary in culture, lifestyle, values, politics, activities, and views. Many gays have been rejected, wounded and hurt by Christians. Most of the Christian world rejects us because of our sexuality, and many in the gay world are cautious of us because of our spirituality. Truth is, most Christians are perceived as the ultimate party poopers. Gay Christians put up with the stereotypes, and the misunderstandings. Many people seem surprised when a Gay Christian laughs, or has fun." Further reading at Gay Christian Relationships.
"You are what you eat and drink. Your body needs a balance of fluid and fuel. The more active you are, the higher your calorie intake need. Eat more protein and complex carbohydrates than fat and simple sugars. If you want big visible muscles, eat right, drink your fluids, and exercise. Get proper rest, too." "The more you exercise your sex drive lessens. Take responsibility for your own sexual heath and reproduction. Never engage in activities or behaviors that demean, nor use self or other people. The best sex is always with the one you love for a lifetime. You engage in sex not to get off, but to show your dedication, devotion, and commitment to the other. Trust me, and you’ll have a happy and rewarding sexual life. And remember, vigorous sex burns calories." "Never get body decorations to be rebellious, to make a statement, to be different. Get one only because you believe it would accentuate your body, and improve your appearance." "Drinking fluids will help your skin as wrinkle free as possible. If you are a man, don’t be afraid to use professional facial products, and you can wear mascara and eye shadow. The goal is to for your skin to retain moisture. Use concealor under your eyes if you have dark circles. If you’re eyes are puffy or starting to sag underneath, consider an eye firmly cream." "Body hair is cultural. Facial and body hair, fashion wise, looks best 'groomed.' Hair down there, it’s your call. Men, don’t hide your head hair under a hat all the time, or keep your hair so short you can’t enjoy it while you have it. It is OK to color your hair, even if you are a man, just remember to color your eyebrows, too. How you take care of your nails tells people how you take care of yourself. It’s OK for a man to color his nails, especially toenails. Have fun. Treat your feet with respect." "What you wear under your clothing can say as much about you as what you wear outside. People expect women to wear various types of undergarments, in various types of fabrics, to look sexy, or feel comfortable. But, men, you have choices, too. Put away those little briefs, and consider boxer briefs, boxers, and other fun undergarments. Wear clothing that reflects the positive inner you, and how you want to be perceived by others. Wear cotton gym clothing to absorb moisture." "Choose a gym that offers what you need, not everything. Look it over, see if it is clean, well operated, friendly, and helpful. Do they provide towels, lockers, showers?" "Respect gym etiquette. Take turns, don’t bother other people, don’t walk in front of them while they are working out, clean up after yourself, respect the ethics of the locker room and the dress requirements in workout areas." "You get out what you put in your workouts. You’ll learn what your body can and cannot do. Time and patience are your friends, and your frustrations. Set goals but make them small steps and attainable, and allow time for them to come to pass. Change your patterns, days, or frequencies regularly to break boredom, and break through plateaus. Here are exercises for each part of your body, and exercise plans for any beginning or advanced person." Further reading at Gay Christian Athletics.
A listings of books and links available on different topics, and how to access them. Send me your list of favorite or useful books and links. Further reading at Books and Links.
Music composed and published by me, and how to access them. Further reading at My Music.
"So...am I a world famous poet? No. Am I a poet? Probably not. So, why do I write poetry, why were these poems written? I don't really know. I think it is a vehicle for the inner me who yearns to express himself." "We've been together for many years now, two loving sailors on this ship of life, Sometimes we've known where we are going, Sometimes we've just gone where the wind blows. We've seen the world many times over, Sometimes enjoying what the voyage has to offer, Sometimes crying over its cruel blows. Yet we've never abandoned ship nor shipmate, holding on to our sure rudder..." "What substance is this thing called love, that moves and brightly cheers, Which without invite enters in this my lowly heart? And steers The course of life anew, a fresh unknowing path; brings every day A pure and fresh awakening, the hoped future bright and gay?..." "I cannot tell the rose of my love's red lips: Full, rich, velvet touch, sweet to taste. For the rose is jealous and shares not its beauty, Wraps itself in a protective blanket of thorns..." Further reading at My Poetry.
Copyright 2008-2004.
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ere are excerpts of the various articles found in this website. They are highlights of various insights, wisdom, and information for your encouragement and use. You may then look at the article in more detail, and even download it and read it offline. If you have any questions, or you need someone to talk to, please feel free to write to me.
"As a child, I had low self-esteem. In college I told Jesus if He was real to prove it to me. Instantly, I felt I wasn't alone, and I've never felt alone since. I married a Christian friend from my college bible study. I thought this was what I was supposed to do. I was married for several years before I knew I was gay. Then I lived years of guilt, prayers for deliverance, and finally burn out. I was afraid to be open about my feelings for fear of rejection and the loss of the life I had."
"Here we will learn how to develop a secure self-image and self-acceptance in Christ, improve self-love and self-esteem, and walk in Christ through proper self-actualization. We will look at the effects of low self-esteem and self-image on your adult development, learn how to identify and correct poor choices and behaviors, and learn how to allow Christ to assist you in bringing healing to both your life and sexuality."
"You cannot be a Gay Christian if you are not a Christian; your sexual orientation may not be chosen, but being a Christian is a choice. Being Christian does not mean being raised in a Christian home, going to Church all your life, or trying to live a good life. God sent God's Son, Jesus Christ, that through belief on Him you might have restored your position in the Family of God. But, this restoration is not automatic. Just as you have the freedom to turn away from God, you have the freedom to turn to God. Seek out a local church that shows Jesus and practices Love."
"If you are gay and married, you have choices, but those choices have to take into consideration everyone involved. Gay partners who remain married do so for a variety of reasons. Gay partners who are unfaithful sexually during the marriage rationalize and justify their actions in creative ways. The majority of marriages fail when the gay partner's same sex sexual attraction becomes know. The majority of gay partners who choose divorce are those who have grown in their sexual development, see and understand sexuality is more than sexual activity, but a desire for true relationship."
