WEBSITE
CONTENTS
Search by word, phrase, or topic within this Website.
GAY CHRISTIAN
ONLINE INDEX
(Home)
CONTACT ME
(E-Mail Me)
WELCOME
(Website Background)
INTRODUCTION
(Website Purpose)
WEBSITE EXCERPTS
(Overview of the Website)
A PAGE FOR STRAIGHT PEOPLE
(How to Understand Gays and Lesbians, and Gay Christians.)
THE CAUSE
OF HOMOSEXUALITY
(What Makes Someone Gay or Lesbian; Theories and Causes Explored; The Real Cause Finally Revealed)
THE
"SPOT THE GAY"
GAME
(How to Tell If "Someone" Is Gay or Lesbian - Game One; How to Tell If "You" Are Gay or Lesbian - Game Two)
MY AUTO-
BIOGRAPHY
(Youth, Marriage And Religious Service, Name Change, Coming Out, Current Life, And Monthly Updates)
HOW TO BE A GAY CHRISTIAN
(Despite What You've Been Told)
TRUE VERSES FALSE CHRISTIANITY
(True Spirituality)
GOOD NEWS (SCRIPTURES FOR THE GAY CHRISTIAN)
(Helpful Scriptures For Life)
HOW TO BE GAY! GAY CHRISTIAN SELF-ESTEEM
(Build Healthy Self-Esteem: Adult Development, Sources And Effects Of Dysfunction, False Guilt And Shame, Misinformation About Homosexuality, Coping Skills, Destructive Behaviors, Sexual Compulsion, Relationship Development, Coming Out, Inner-Healing, Self-Love, Self-Image, Self-Actualization, Christian Principles For Life, etc.)
OPEN LETTERS
(Common Letters And Replies: What Is Gay, Understanding Scripture, Gay Stereotypes, Is Change Possible, Coming Out, My Spouse Is Gay, Battered Spouse, Sex, Relationship, Masturbation, Pornography, Finding A Church, Afraid Of Rejection, Being Found Out, Does God Reject Me, My Parent Is Gay, A Spouse Leaves, Church Problems, Ben You’re Cute, etc.)
LIVING THE GAY CHRISTIAN LIFE
(Salvation, Baptism, Sanctification, Holiness, Sin, Forgiveness, Communion, Sacraments, Prayer, Fasting, Scripture Study, Giving, Witnessing, Serving, Ethics, Dating & Relationships, Sexual Ethics, Following Jesus - The Challenges and Responsibilities of Relationship, etc.)
GAY CHRISTIAN RELATIONSHIPS
(Gay And Married, Gay Dating And Relationships, Friends, Choosing A Church, Being Christian In The Gay World, Following Jesus - The Challenges and Responsibilities of Relationship, etc.)
COMING OUT AS A GAY OR LESBIAN CHRISTIAN
(Defining Sexual Orientation, Misinformation About Sexual Orientation, The Consequences of Living in the Closet, Who You Are and Can Be, Coming Out Internally, Before Coming Out Externally, Coming Out Externally, Beyond Coming Out, etc.)
SAME-SEX
MARRIAGE
CEREMONY
(Traditional Marriage Ceremony for Catholic or Protestant Christians; Format, Suggested Music, Scriptures, Text, etc.)
GAY CHRISTIAN ATHLETICS
(Pass Gym Class: Diet, Supplements, Sleep, Sex, Body Care, Clothes, The Gym, The LockerRoom, Etiquette, Exercise Plans)
REFERENCED AND RECOMMENDED BOOKS
(Gay & Lesbian, Christianity, Coming Out, Relationships, Marriage, Parenting, Youth, Psychology, Health, Humor, etc.)
OTHER INTERNET LINKS
(Gay & Lesbian, Christianity, Resources, Coming Out, Marriage, Psychology, Parenting, Youth, Health, Relationships, etc.)
MY MUSIC
(Music Composed and Published)
MY POETRY
(Yes, Most Are Romantic)
THANK YOU
(Thank You For Being Here)
SUPPORT THIS WEBSITE
(Contact Me, Or Donate Online)
HOW TO GET
THESE ARTICLES
(You may receive articles by donation, which can be either mailed to you, or the article file saved to your computer; multiple copies available, too.)
Copyright 2012-1997. All Rights Reserved. BBCB. USA.
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Gay
Christian Online Michelangelo "Ignudo" Sistine Chapel |  |
receive letters from all over the world. I personally answer every letter I receive, positive or negative. You may write me if you wish, I welcome your letters.
| Many letters I receive are requests for information or referrals to resources, requests for advice on life, questions from people trying to understand themselves and others around them; sometimes I just get letters from people hurting, needing someone to listen and care. |  |
I also receive mail from people who show respect in their disagreements. Sadly, some other letters I receive are not very respectful.
o, I decided to share with you some of the common responses I give to people who write to me (their real names and detailed circumstances have been changed), so you might be able to learn and grow from them as I have.
Whether to you who are supportive, you who have troubles, or you who don't understand or oppose: I electronically wash your feet.
Peace and Hugs. Thanks. Ben
Dear Ben,
OK, I read your website, you believe you can be both Christian and gay. I don't believe walking in Love means we have the right to walk in sin. Linda
Dear Linda,
Thanks for writing and sharing, even though you've misunderstood me. I appreciate it and you. I find the whole idea of telling people they have a license to sin repugnant.
No, we are called to be Love as God is Love, and to be Holy as God is Holy. The apostle Paul wrote we are not to use our liberties in Christ for selfish purposes, but by Love to serve one another. You cannot walk in Love and walk in selfishness; you cannot walk in Love and use or abuse other people. Nor can you walk in Love and misuse the gifts, talents and operations of God, nor neglect to care or help other people.
Not every manifestation of homosexuality is Love, and neither is every manifestation of heterosexuality. How you walk in your sexuality can give opportunities to error. There is not one code for Straight Christians and another for Gay Christians; there is only the Christian code, the Law of Love. The Law of Love compels us to flee from improper sexuality, to treat our bodies as the Temple of the Holy Spirit, and avoid all things that do not profit or edify.
I believe the Law of Christ gives liberty with temperance, Love with justice, grace with holiness. Washing you feet, I close with Peace and hugs, Ben
See Also: Sin, Forgiveness and Restoration, Ethics.
 | to chat about being gay and sexual ethics. |
Dear Ben,
I don't know how you can justify your lifestyle. You parade down the streets half naked, dressed like women and in weird leather clothes, demand you have the right to have sex anywhere, and now you want to recruit children by demanding our schools teach you are "normal" and should have the right to marry. Stop promoting a lifestyle that is wrong. Ken
Dear Ken,
Well, being Scotch-Irish, I confess I march in our St. Patrick's Day Parade every year in a kilt, and sometimes wear the kilt around the house and to the mall, but I've never worn women's clothing; I confess I do wear leather clothing, but that is because I'm a cowboy. I'm afraid I just don't fit your stereotypes. I do not have sex with children nor recruit people to my "lifestyle;" I am not into S&M, I don't want to be a woman, and I do not have sex all the time. I am Christian, Conservative, and, are you ready for this?...Republican. I am a Parent, a Partner, a volunteer, active in my church and faith, professional in my employment; I am Pro-Family, and even Anti-Abortion (when used as birth control, etc.).
I am afraid little square peg me just doesn't fit in the stereotyped round hole in which you try so hard to fit me. And there are thousands like me; there is just as much diversity within the gay and lesbian community as there is within the heterosexual (straight) community, just as much diversity of race, religion, culture and ethnic background, economics, social conditions, employment, hobbies and interests, values, ethics and morals.
Shall I judge all straight people to be those represented in the New Orleans Mardi Gras Parade every year? Walking around drunk, showing their breasts and genitalia to people, engaging in sex on the streets? God forbid. To say all gay and lesbian people are a certain way is as wrong as to say all straight people are a certain way. I teach Love, and that Love compels compassion and respect.
There is much within the gay and lesbian community that concerns me, many need Jesus, but I have equal concern about the straight community and their lack of Love for God.
The "lifestyle" I promote is neither gay nor straight. I use the term "Gay Christian" instead of "Christian Gay" to emphasize the two are not incompatible, and because some Internet computer programs search text in "word order." But, in reality it is truly "Christian Gay," the "lifestyle" I promote is the "Christian Lifestyle." The Christian Lifestyle, Christ living in your heart, permeates all you are and do, whether in business or in bed. I may not have a choice in my sexual orientation (and I know you can debate that until Jesus comes back), but I was given a choice to be born again in Christ; I choose to follow Jesus and let Him rule in my heart, life and sexuality.
It is my sincere prayer you let Jesus rule in your heart, that you learn the truth of Love. Your opinions are rooted in fears, and the perfect Love of God casts out fear. How can you fear me, a man who cares enough for you to wash your feet and who is willing to embrace you as a fellow brother in Christ? Even if I never receive the same back, fear not for me, my prayers and tears for you will wash my own feet. Peace and hugs, Ben
You might also want to explore these articles The Cause of Homosexuality (What Makes Someone Gay Or Lesbian), The "Spot The Gay" Game - How to Tell If Someone Is Gay or Lesbian.
See Also: Misinformation About Homosexuality, Books - The Lighter Side of Being Gay and Lesbian.
| to chat about gay stereotypes. |
Dear Ben,
I live with my parents and go to their church. I know I am gay, and some of my close friends know. But, the church says I am wrong in being gay, so I am afraid to come out to anyone. I don't want to lose my parents, church and friends. I think about coming out but I get scared. Thanks for your encouragement. Becky
Hello Becky,
I greatly appreciate your letter and you. From your letter I would guess you are in your teen years or early twenties. This is the time of life when not only are you trying to figure out what you want to do with your life, but also learning whom you are inside. I receive a lot of letters like yours, and some from people later in their lives just starting out or still going through the same things. Every person and situation is unique but there are a few things in common.
First, I hope you are a Christian, have accepted Jesus Christ; just because you go to your parent's church doesn't mean you are automatically a Christian. Having Christ rule your life will affect all aspects of your life.
Coming out to others is difficult, often more so for them than for you. As a Christian, walking in Love, you must use God's Love to discern whether it is really in the best interests of you and the other person for you to come out to him or her.
This is a time in life I would use to build self-esteem, self-image, self-confidence, and in learning to grow in the Lord, rather than in spending time coming out to others. I write the same with others later in their lives, too. By doing this, you grow and mature in Christ, build yourself up to better be able to handle the results you may encounter by coming out. As you grow, you will naturally desire to come out to some people, and you will have the maturity in Love to know how, when, and in what way to come out, and the person will hopefully also see you as a wonderful daughter, friend and child of God.
Here is how I looked in High School, a total nerd when I did not like myself, then beginning changes after I came out, and now years later, the outside of me reflecting the positive inside self.
But, a word of caution. Respecting others must also be balanced in respecting yourself. Sometimes, out of a greater fear of the unknown, we hold on to things, people and situations not in our best interests, sometimes even hurtful and destructive. Fear binds; Love casts out fears. The fear you may lose your church, family and friends is genuine, this happens sometimes, but not as often as you think; or if rejection does come it lasts a while but with time the relationship is restored. If you are so closeted you feel you cannot be yourself and suffer for it spiritually, emotionally and physically, then it may be best to move on and/or out, and God will be with you every step of the way. If some people or groups reject you, then perhaps they never really accepted you to start with; and, if such happens, trust the God who will restore all you might lose and heal all the wounds you could suffer. God is not only the Person who made you, but also the Person who shall sustain you. You need to continue to honor and respect others, but also honor and respect yourself, and never compromise yourself for temporal comfort.
If God went to all the trouble to give you fingerprints no one else has, then Jesus also has a plan unique to your life. Peer pressure is a terrible enemy for young people, making you think if you are unique and different then you are weird and funny. Actually, looking, acting and being like everyone else is being weird. Other people who write me later in their lives often feel they have gotten on the wrong path, or made too many mistakes to change, and that is not true, either.
Seek God, and Jesus will give you His plan for your life, including your sexuality. Remain in prayer and praise, study the Word of God, keep your mind and heart in Christ, and keep your body balanced and healthy. Just as you learn about your sexuality, learn and grow in your God given talents and abilities, and seek out the dream to fulfill them. Don't go after something you cannot be, neither give up on the goal of doing what you're meant to do in God.
In learning to be a good godly woman of God, walking in Love, you will learn how to relate to others and how to live in the future, which may seem so scary right now. I hope these words help. Stay in touch with me. I always like to hear from people again. I wash your feet. Peace and hugs, Ben
See Also: Coming Out Autobiography, Coming Out, Beyond Coming Out, Books - Coming Out, Coming Out Links.
| to chat about coming out. |
 | ext page for open letters on thanks for the website, my husband is gay, sex outside of a relationship... |
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