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This Page - Gay Christian, Gay Christians, Lesbian Christians open advice letters on pornography, partner won't go to church, I'm afraid God will reject me, and more.
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THE CAUSE
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(Build Healthy Self-Esteem: Adult Development, Sources And Effects Of Dysfunction, False Guilt And Shame, Misinformation About Homosexuality, Coping Skills, Destructive Behaviors, Sexual Compulsion, Relationship Development, Coming Out, Inner-Healing, Self-Love, Self-Image, Self-Actualization, Christian Principles For Life, etc.)
 OPEN LETTERS
(Common Letters And Replies: What Is Gay, Understanding Scripture, Gay Stereotypes, Is Change Possible, Coming Out, My Spouse Is Gay, Battered Spouse, Sex, Relationship, Masturbation, Pornography, Finding A Church, Afraid Of Rejection, Being Found Out, Does God Reject Me, My Parent Is Gay, A Spouse Leaves, Church Problems, Ben You’re Cute, etc.)
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Gay
Christian Online
Michelangelo
"Ignudo"
Sistine Chapel |  |
 receive letters from all over the world. I personally answer every letter I receive, positive or negative. You may write me if you wish, I welcome your letters.
| Many letters I receive are requests for information or referrals to resources, requests for advice on life, questions from people trying to understand themselves and others around them; sometimes I just get letters from people hurting, needing someone to listen and care. |  |
I also receive mail from people who show respect in their disagreements. Sadly, some other letters I receive are not very respectful.
 o, I decided to share with you some of the common responses I give to people who write to me (their real names and detailed circumstances have been changed), so you might be able to learn and grow from them as I have.
Whether to you who are supportive, you who have troubles, or you who don't understand or oppose: I electronically wash your feet.
Peace and Hugs. Thanks. Ben
 HOME
Dear Ben,
My partner and I've been together for four years now. I got saved two years ago at a local church that is OK with gays. I've tried to get my partner to go to church with me, but he won't, says they are all hypocrites, hates all churches because of the way they treat gays. He doesn't like it when I talk about the Lord around him, either. I am afraid he will leave me, and I am
afraid he will not go to Heaven someday unless he finds Jesus. What should I do? Many thanks, Richard
Dear Richard,
Thanks for sharing your heart. It's appreciated, as do I appreciate you. The apostle Paul addressed the problem of the "unbelieving spouse," in one of his letters to the church. He said that a believing spouse should remain with
the unbelieving spouse if at all possible. He further says that the believing spouse should "live as a quiet witness" to the other, whereby the unbelieving spouse might be saved through the witness of the life of the believing spouse. I got saved not because of the words preached to me, but because of the way I saw a group of Christians Loving each other, the witness of their lives. I wanted what they had, and what they had was Jesus and Love; I hungered for Jesus, and was filled.
It sounds like your partner has not had good experiences with other Christians or churches in the past, not experienced real Love, he's "thrown the baby out with the bath water." So, it's your calling to show him there are Christians who are not jerks. It's your calling also to remind him people are human, not perfect, and our role model is Jesus not his followers; though Christ's followers may fail us sometimes, or be less than the best they should be, Christ shall never fail us, nor reject us.
 You be a living witness to him. Don't preach at him, but Love him. It's his life and choices, you can't make him be or do something he doesn't desire. But, you can set a good and healthy environment, whereby he might make the right choices. It's still his choices, but you can help those choices along by the witness of your life, and the depth of Love and service you have for him.
You are further called to intercessory prayer for him, lifting him up to God and asking God to help him see the Light of Jesus Love.
Wash his clothes, wash his dishes, and wash his feet.
Lastly, Paul said if it reaches an unbearable point, it is OK for the spouse to depart, sad though that be. We can't compromise our own spiritual, emotional, and physical health because of another, for in so doing we become effective to no one. We care for others through the care we have for ourselves. So, pray he comes around, but take care of and don't neglect yourself, either. I shall pray for both of you. I wash your feet. Peace and hugs, Ben
 | to chat about your unbelieving partner. |
 HOME
Dear Ben,
I've gotten away from the Lord for several years now. I don't want to go into details, but let me just say that I got involved heavy in sex and other things. Anyway, I think of coming back to the church and God, but I am afraid they'll reject me. What do you think? Thanks, Amy
Dear Amy,
Thanks for writing and sharing your heart. I greatly appreciate it. What I think doesn't matter, what matters is what Jesus and God thinks. Remember the story of the prodigal son, who took his inheritance and spent it all on
out-of-control living, decided to return home but believed his father would never accept him again as a son but only as a servant. To his surprise, not only did his father accept him, but threw a party for him. So, I think God and Jesus have been planning a big party for you for some time now; why don't you go home and enjoy it with them.
 We don't have to be afraid of God or Jesus, for they are Love. Love doesn't condone our mistakes, but rather helps us overcome them. Jesus desires not only to receive you, but help you overcome your shortcomings, help you grow and mature into the precious woman of God you are meant to be.
You never need to be afraid, for God always has your best interests at heart, and in the end, you'll be blessed. "Come unto me," Jesus said. Come, Amy.
Then, let Jesus lead you to a church which will help you grow and mature, and which will Love and accept you. Save me a piece of cake. I wash your feet. Peace and hugs, Ben
See Also: Guilt and Shame, Sin, Forgiveness, and Restoration.
| to chat about returning to Jesus. |
 HOME
Dear Ben,
I am addicted to porn. I really have difficulty now because of the INTERNET. Help. Thanks, Richard
Dear Richard,
Appreciate the note and your candor; I appreciate you, too. All things are to be held up against Christ and His Law of Love.
The naked body is a beautiful thing, designed by God, and often art, film, and photography celebrates this, as a form of expression that can be beautiful and admirable. But, we should use things for our edification and growth, and not the abuse of self or other people. Porn has the potential of reducing the person(s) portrayed as an object, a thing, and not of inherent sacred worth and value. It can use and abuse the person(s) in the picture and the one looking at it.
Often, people use porn as a cop-out, instead of developing healthy friendships and relationships with real people. It is easier to view porn, than it is to take a risk and make friends or date. It is easier to view porn, than it is to fully face your real needs and desires.
So, since you are distressed by it, it is out of balance for you. Therefore, I want to know why you need it, why you are looking at it; it may be masking deeper troubles and issues. By addressing those more real, deeper issues through Christ's Law of Love, you will be a better person, and better equipped to handle things in life.
 You recognize porn is a problem for you, and I praise you for this, for it is a sign of beginning maturity, potential future growth and freedom. Build on this. Begin to work on your self-image, seeing yourself as Christ sees you. Love yourself and accept yourself as Christ does.
God desires you to have healthy relationships with yourself and other people, and the maturity to handle choices in life. You'll find such as you find yourself in God. God has your best interests at heart, and Jesus is worthy of your trust with your life. If, in this process of self-healing, you stumble, don't beat yourself up, but instead, wash yourself off in the Holy Spirit, stand up, lift up your head, and move on, never losing sight of your goals and Jesus.
Jesus came to set you free. Embrace Jesus and find that freedom. It is the freedom to be you, freedom to be open to other people, freedom to risk relationships, freedom to Love. If you need it, seek good sound counseling for support in this process, and stay in touch with me, too. I wash your feet. Peace and hugs, Ben
See Also: Sexual Compulsions, Sexual Ethics.
| to chat with me about porn. |
 | ext page for open letters on my dad is gay, can you help me find a church, and is masturbation ok... |
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