|
This Page - Gay Christian, Gay Christians, Lesbian Christians open advice letters on my dad is gay, help finding a church, is masturbation ok, and more.
 WEBSITE
CONTENTS
Search by word, phrase, or topic within this Website.
 GAY CHRISTIAN
ONLINE INDEX
(Home)
 CONTACT ME
(E-Mail Me)
 SUPPORT THIS WEBSITE
(Contact Me, Or Donate Online)
HOW TO GET
THESE ARTICLES
(You may receive articles by donation, which can be either mailed to you, or the article file saved to your computer; multiple copies available, too.)
 WELCOME
(Website Background)
INTRODUCTION
(Website Purpose)
WEBSITE EXCERPTS
(Overview of the Website)
 A PAGE FOR STRAIGHT PEOPLE
(How to Understand Gays and Lesbians, and Gay Christians.)
THE CAUSE
OF HOMOSEXUALITY
(What Makes Someone Gay or Lesbian; Theories and Causes Explored; The Real Cause Finally Revealed)
THE
"SPOT THE GAY"
GAME
(How to Tell If "Someone" Is Gay or Lesbian - Game One; How to Tell If "You" Are Gay or Lesbian - Game Two)
MY AUTO-
BIOGRAPHY
(Youth, Marriage And Religious Service, Name Change, Coming Out, Current Life, And Monthly Updates)
 HOW TO BE A GAY CHRISTIAN
(Despite What You've Been Told)
 TRUE VERSES FALSE CHRISTIANITY
(True Spirituality)
 GOOD NEWS (SCRIPTURES FOR THE GAY CHRISTIAN)
(Helpful Scriptures For Life)
 HOW TO BE GAY! GAY CHRISTIAN SELF-ESTEEM
(Build Healthy Self-Esteem: Adult Development, Sources And Effects Of Dysfunction, False Guilt And Shame, Misinformation About Homosexuality, Coping Skills, Destructive Behaviors, Sexual Compulsion, Relationship Development, Coming Out, Inner-Healing, Self-Love, Self-Image, Self-Actualization, Christian Principles For Life, etc.)
 OPEN LETTERS
(Common Letters And Replies: What Is Gay, Understanding Scripture, Gay Stereotypes, Is Change Possible, Coming Out, My Spouse Is Gay, Battered Spouse, Sex, Relationship, Masturbation, Pornography, Finding A Church, Afraid Of Rejection, Being Found Out, Does God Reject Me, My Parent Is Gay, A Spouse Leaves, Church Problems, Ben You’re Cute, etc.)
 LIVING THE GAY CHRISTIAN LIFE
(Salvation, Baptism, Sanctification, Holiness, Sin, Forgiveness, Communion, Sacraments, Prayer, Fasting, Scripture Study, Giving, Witnessing, Serving, Ethics, Dating & Relationships, Sexual Ethics, etc.)
GAY CHRISTIAN RELATIONSHIPS
(Gay And Married, Gay Dating And Relationships, Friends, Choosing A Church, Being Christian In The Gay World, etc.)
SAME-SEX
MARRIAGE
CEREMONY
(Traditional Marriage Ceremony for Catholic or Protestant Christians; Format, Suggested Music, Scriptures, Text, etc.)
GAY CHRISTIAN ATHLETICS
(Pass Gym Class: Diet, Supplements, Sleep, Sex, Body Care, Clothes, The Gym, The LockerRoom, Etiquette, Exercise Plans)
 REFERENCED AND RECOMMENDED BOOKS
(Gay & Lesbian, Christianity, Coming Out, Relationships, Marriage, Parenting, Youth, Psychology, Health, Humor, etc.)
OTHER INTERNET LINKS
(Gay & Lesbian, Christianity, Resources, Coming Out, Marriage, Psychology, Parenting, Youth, Health, Relationships, etc.)
MY MUSIC
(Music Composed and Published)
MY POETRY
(Yes, Most Are Romantic)
THANK YOU
(Thank You For Being Here)
 Copyright 2008-1997. All Rights Reserved. BBCB. USA.
Website Featured On...
Cable News Network
British Broadcasting Corporation
 Graphics & Music Used Are Believed Public Domain Unless Otherwise Noted. Some Graphics Courtesy Of...
This page hosted by...
|
Gay
Christian Online
Michelangelo
"Ignudo"
Sistine Chapel |  |
 receive letters from all over the world. I personally answer every letter I receive, positive or negative. You may write me if you wish, I welcome your letters.
| Many letters I receive are requests for information or referrals to resources, requests for advice on life, questions from people trying to understand themselves and others around them; sometimes I just get letters from people hurting, needing someone to listen and care. |  |
I also receive mail from people who show respect in their disagreements. Sadly, some other letters I receive are not very respectful.
 o, I decided to share with you some of the common responses I give to people who write to me (their real names and detailed circumstances have been changed), so you might be able to learn and grow from them as I have.
Whether to you who are supportive, you who have troubles, or you who don't understand or oppose: I electronically wash your feet.
Peace and Hugs. Thanks. Ben
| More people arrive at this page than just about any other page of this article. I guess it is because of search engines, and word terms. If this is you, welcome. This is a website for Gay and Lesbian Christians. This article is on Gay Christian Open Letters. It would be better if you began at the first page, Gay Christian Open Letters, Page One, and then arrive here. |
 HOME
Dear Ben,
Hello, my name is Steven, and I am 15. My dad is gay. I am cool with it because he loves me, and he and mom get along OK, too. But, I wonder if I
will be gay someday, too. I also worry that if my friends find out my dad's gay they will think I am gay, or they'll not like me anymore. So, what do you think?
Dear Steven,
What a nice letter, thanks for contacting me; I appreciate it and you. Well, every gay person generally had a straight parent, relative or mentor while growing up; so, having a straight role model doesn't always mean you'll be
straight, or having a gay dad or gay role model doesn't necessarily mean you'll be gay.
Sadly, people will think whatever they want, no matter how much you try to educate them. Add to that youth, the need and desire to be loved and
accepted by society and peers, and you've got a mess. I wish, if you present yourself with confidence to your friends, they would accept you as you are, and not assume things because of your dad, but that doesn't always happen.
 They may reject you no matter how you present yourself, how you try to help them understand what it means to be gay, etc. But, if they do reject you, what have you lost? Certainly not true friends, for true friends would stick by you, know you, trust and believe in you, Love you. So, it would be their loss, not yours, if they rejected you. However, that doesn't ease the pain of rejection or public embarrassment, either.
Pride and acceptance of your dad is also a reflection of the depth of pride and acceptance you have of yourself, your level of self-confidence; these are your youth years whereby you learn and develop them. Your growth and maturity in your own self-love, self-acceptance, self-image is found in your relationship with Jesus Christ, seeing and accepting yourself as Jesus does.
The heart is reflected outwardly, affecting everything else about self; the heart is the light witness shining outward to the world. Find in Christ your inner confidence, assurance of who you are and becoming, growing and maturing into a fine young man, with a great and exciting future ahead of you.
In that confidence, you'll not only be proud of your dad for who he is, the Love he has for you, but you'll find your dad's sexuality as not just cool but way cool. In that confidence, you'll know who you are when people say you are something else, you'll know who are your truer friends, who are your truer friends who occasionally have lapses of judgment, and those who really are not true friends. I wash your feet and bid you Peace and hugs, Ben
See Also: Misinformation about Homosexuality, Books - Gay and Lesbian Parenting, Parenting and Family Links, Families Joined By Love: Books, Resources, and Community for LGBT Families.
 | to chat about having a gay parent. |
 HOME
Dear Ben,
The church I attend doesn't accept gays, and I want to find a church that does. Do you know of any churches in ___(city)___ who accept gays? Thanks, Mary
Dear Mary,
I appreciate you and your letter, even though it is one of the most frustrating kinds I get. You see, I am just a one person website, trying to help as best I can, and I hate it when I can't always help. I am not part of a particular
church or organization through this website, so I don't have a lot of contacts.
I do not know of a particular gay accepting or affirming church in your city; however, that doesn't mean you can't find one. Go back to my website to my Links page and go to the UFMCC page that lists its churches
by country, state and city; see if there is a UFMCC church in your area.
You don't mention the denomination to which you belong. If UFMCC is not to your liking, they are generally helpful and knowledgeable of other churches in the area that are accepting, and will gladly refer you there. Additionally, on the Links page is listings of support organization of various denominations; email your particular denomination and see if they have a church or support group in your area.
 Next, is there a gay bar or organization near by? About the only time I ever recommend gay bars and clubs is for connection purposes, for they are not always the most ethical places to be; however, often they are the only place for any connection, and you can find spiritual people within them, looking for others of like mind. Accepting churches or religious support groups often advertise themselves on bulletin boards, telephone support lines, or in local gay newspapers or publications, etc.
Lastly, there is your choice to be pro-active; "faith without works is dead," says the apostle James, so you need to do your part to find what you want, and "when you've done all, stand." Have you contacted absolutely every church in town to see if any are accepting? Pick up the phone and start dialing. Are you willing to expand beyond your past familiarity with a certain denomination and try a different but accepting one? Are you willing to drive to another city to find and attend an accepting church? Have you considered a church that may not be accepting but which does show Love and has a teachable spirit?
Life is a balance between compromise and temperance. We are to never compromise ourselves, be less than we are supposed to be, for that is not Love. But, often we can temper who we are around other people, be ourselves in the midst of difference, not flaunting it, use not our liberties in Christ selfishly, but "by Love serve one another."
It sounds like if you stayed in your present church it would require compromise, and to be around such negativity would wound your soul and spirit. But, there may be a church that, though not accepting per se, you may be able to exist therein with temperance.
Every accepting church at some point in its past grew into the Light of Love more fully because of the witness of some gay Christian. Through your life witness, it might prove you to be the one that brings that church into full acceptance. So, I wouldn't rule out all churches, just because they "seem" rejecting; it might be you that makes all the difference.
We choose a church not only to meet our own needs, but to be a servant, a blessing, Love to others. Such is Love. Love will lead you to where you should be; trust in Love, Jesus Christ. I wash your feet. Peace and hugs, Ben
See Also: The Gay Christian and the Church.
| to chat about finding a church. |
 HOME
Dear Ben,
What do you think about masturbation? Is it OK or not? I really am trying to be good and stay sexually pure. What do you think? Thanks, Sam
Dear Sam,
Thanks for writing and sharing. I appreciate it and you. This is a difficult topic, almost scarier for some people to talk about than homosexuality, or even sexuality in general.
Love is the yardstick by which we measure to see if something agrees with Love. The apostle Paul wrote that if it does, then it's acceptable... even if it goes against the majority.
Paul had a personal liberty in Christ, eating foods sacrificed to idols. When the new Church accepted Gentiles into the fold, because of fear of the unknown, these pagans and all their cultures coming in, the Church put limitations, rules on them. They didn’t have to be circumcised, but one of their rules was they couldn’t eat foods sacrificed to idols.
Then, along comes Paul. He boasts he eats foods sacrificed to idols; to him it's no big thing. But, he knows his "weaker brethren" will freak if they see him, so out of Love for them he wont eat such foods when they’re around. In other words, he tempers himself, but NEVER compromises himself. To compromise himself would mean going against his freedom in Love in Christ, his liberties given him by Jesus. But, he and all of us don’t have to flaunt our liberties, stir up things with those around us who don’t have them.
Some people can drink and not even get tipsy. But, some people have one drink and are smashed. Others drink to hide behind their problems. Others drink to escape. There's nothing wrong with the drink, but the potential for problems lies with the drinker.
Paul wrote that all things were lawful to him, but not all things lead to his edification, not all things agree with Love. So, though they are all legal, Love compels him to reject some of them.
| So, take this, memorize it, and then use this yardstick for the rest of your life and measure it against everything in your life. So, for example, let's take masturbation.... in and of itself, it is lawful, and neutral. How you choose to walk therein can either edify you, or corrupt you. |  |
Masturbation for bodily release is OK. Men, if there is no release, often experience the nature event called a "wet dream," release while sleeping, which is a normal bodily function. Masturbation also releases hormones, stress and tension.
But, there are some people who masturbate, like the alcoholic, to escape from real life. Insecure in themselves, masturbation is an easy out, you don’t have to make the effort to date, develop friendships or relationships. Then, there are others who do it lustfully, lusting after a person, fantasizing about him or her, etc. Then there are those who do it out of addiction, for the high it brings, etc. All these are not Love.
So, in its proper place and use, it can be OK, agree with the Law of Love. But, it must be handled with maturity and grace, within Love.
So, the answer is both yes, it's OK, and no, it's not. You have to decide, discern, learn, and apply properly to your self and life. Apply to your own private sexuality the same respect for self as you are trying to learn for others and desire in return for yourself. Again, thanks for writing. I wash your feet. Peace and hugs, Ben
See Also: Sexual Compulsions.
| to chat with me about masturbation. |
 | ext page for an open letter on reproduction... |
Copyright 2008-2000. BBCB.
All Rights Reserved. USA.
 |
Number of People
Who Have Visited
This Page
To Regulate the Music Playing On This Page
|
