|
This Page - Gay Christian, Gay Christians, Lesbian Christians open advice letters on I hate being gay, gay and lesbian self-love and self-acceptance, and more.
 WEBSITE
CONTENTS
Search by word, phrase, or topic within this Website.
 GAY CHRISTIAN
ONLINE INDEX
(Home)
 CONTACT ME
(E-Mail Me)
 SUPPORT THIS WEBSITE
(Contact Me, Or Donate Online)
HOW TO GET
THESE ARTICLES
(You may receive articles by donation, which can be either mailed to you, or the article file saved to your computer; multiple copies available, too.)
 WELCOME
(Website Background)
INTRODUCTION
(Website Purpose)
WEBSITE EXCERPTS
(Overview of the Website)
 A PAGE FOR STRAIGHT PEOPLE
(How to Understand Gays and Lesbians, and Gay Christians.)
THE CAUSE
OF HOMOSEXUALITY
(What Makes Someone Gay or Lesbian; Theories and Causes Explored; The Real Cause Finally Revealed)
THE
"SPOT THE GAY"
GAME
(How to Tell If "Someone" Is Gay or Lesbian - Game One; How to Tell If "You" Are Gay or Lesbian - Game Two)
MY AUTO-
BIOGRAPHY
(Youth, Marriage And Religious Service, Name Change, Coming Out, Current Life, And Monthly Updates)
 HOW TO BE A GAY CHRISTIAN
(Despite What You've Been Told)
 TRUE VERSES FALSE CHRISTIANITY
(True Spirituality)
 GOOD NEWS (SCRIPTURES FOR THE GAY CHRISTIAN)
(Helpful Scriptures For Life)
 HOW TO BE GAY! GAY CHRISTIAN SELF-ESTEEM
(Build Healthy Self-Esteem: Adult Development, Sources And Effects Of Dysfunction, False Guilt And Shame, Misinformation About Homosexuality, Coping Skills, Destructive Behaviors, Sexual Compulsion, Relationship Development, Coming Out, Inner-Healing, Self-Love, Self-Image, Self-Actualization, Christian Principles For Life, etc.)
 OPEN LETTERS
(Common Letters And Replies: What Is Gay, Understanding Scripture, Gay Stereotypes, Is Change Possible, Coming Out, My Spouse Is Gay, Battered Spouse, Sex, Relationship, Masturbation, Pornography, Finding A Church, Afraid Of Rejection, Being Found Out, Does God Reject Me, My Parent Is Gay, A Spouse Leaves, Church Problems, Ben You’re Cute, etc.)
 LIVING THE GAY CHRISTIAN LIFE
(Salvation, Baptism, Sanctification, Holiness, Sin, Forgiveness, Communion, Sacraments, Prayer, Fasting, Scripture Study, Giving, Witnessing, Serving, Ethics, Dating & Relationships, Sexual Ethics, etc.)
GAY CHRISTIAN RELATIONSHIPS
(Gay And Married, Gay Dating And Relationships, Friends, Choosing A Church, Being Christian In The Gay World, etc.)
SAME-SEX
MARRIAGE
CEREMONY
(Traditional Marriage Ceremony for Catholic or Protestant Christians; Format, Suggested Music, Scriptures, Text, etc.)
GAY CHRISTIAN ATHLETICS
(Pass Gym Class: Diet, Supplements, Sleep, Sex, Body Care, Clothes, The Gym, The LockerRoom, Etiquette, Exercise Plans)
 REFERENCED AND RECOMMENDED BOOKS
(Gay & Lesbian, Christianity, Coming Out, Relationships, Marriage, Parenting, Youth, Psychology, Health, Humor, etc.)
OTHER INTERNET LINKS
(Gay & Lesbian, Christianity, Resources, Coming Out, Marriage, Psychology, Parenting, Youth, Health, Relationships, etc.)
MY MUSIC
(Music Composed and Published)
MY POETRY
(Yes, Most Are Romantic)
THANK YOU
(Thank You For Being Here)
 Copyright 2008-1997. All Rights Reserved. BBCB. USA.
Website Featured On...
Cable News Network
British Broadcasting Corporation
 Graphics & Music Used Are Believed Public Domain Unless Otherwise Noted. Some Graphics Courtesy Of...
This page hosted by...
|
Gay
Christian Online
Michelangelo
"Ignudo"
Sistine Chapel |  |
 receive letters from all over the world. I personally answer every letter I receive, positive or negative. You may write me if you wish, I welcome your letters.
| Many letters I receive are requests for information or referrals to resources, requests for advice on life, questions from people trying to understand themselves and others around them; sometimes I just get letters from people hurting, needing someone to listen and care. |  |
I also receive mail from people who show respect in their disagreements. Sadly, some other letters I receive are not very respectful.
 o, I decided to share with you some of the common responses I give to people who write to me (their real names and detailed circumstances have been changed), so you might be able to learn and grow from them as I have.
Whether to you who are supportive, you who have troubles, or you who don't understand or oppose: I electronically wash your feet.
Peace and Hugs. Thanks. Ben
 HOME
Dear Ben,
I hate myself for being gay. I try to be someone else, and I am not happy, but when I am myself, I am so ashamed. Sometimes, the guilt is so heavy. How can I be free? Thanks, Jill
Dear Jill,
Thanks for writing and being so open. I appreciate it and you. Jesus calls and says, "to whoever will, come and I will in no wise cast you out." Shall then Jesus now place conditions upon that call? God forbid. Who has condemned you? Is it God, society, people, church, your own heart? God forbid. If Christ condemns you not, then who then can condemn you? If your spirit bears witness with Christ's spirit you indeed be a child of God, who then can cast you out? Who then can say you are not of God's household? If the Father of the House calls you "child," who can call you "bastard?"
 There is a total difference between guilt and shame. Guilt is when you do wrong, don’t measure up to expectations, fall short of yourself, etc., you know you need to correct it and if it cannot be corrected then learned from and move on. Shame is when you believe the reason why you fall short of the mark, why you make errors, etc. is because at your core, at the heart of your very being, you are a flawed person.
So many gays and lesbians fall victim to shame, and that shame leads to low self-esteem, self-hatred sometimes, and often to addictions or destructive behaviors. Very sad. Through the understanding of Christ's Love, adoption into the family of God, and applying that Love to self and others, the self-esteem can develop properly and addictive behaviors overcome. You, as a gay Christian, must begin to see yourself as Christ sees you and apply this knowledge to your heart and life.
"There is now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who are called according to His purpose." What is that purpose, for what calling are we called? Are we called to live a certain life, a certain lifestyle, to conform to society's whims, to the culture of the times? God forbid. You are called to be a child of God, nothing more nothing less; you are called to be Love, nothing more and nothing less.
"Perfect Love casts out fear," and fear brings torment. If there is an aspect of your life where you have no peace, then it denotes an area of your life that needs to be touched by the Holy Spirit and the fruit of the Holy Spirit, which is Love. Through Love comes joy, peace, faith, patience, goodness, meekness, self-control. If you strive to gain peace and joy on your own, you will fail, if you try to gain self-control you shall fail, but if you abide in the Lord, and let the Lord have the rule of your heart and let the Lord have the area in need of touching, then you will find what you seek. We are called not to "do" but to "be, and in our being our doing is Love for God is Love.
 The opposite of Love is not hate, it is fear. Fear keeps you in prison, keeps you stationary, stagnant, unable to move or to grow. Whether it be fear of the unknown, fear of self, fear of being hurt or hurt again, fear of rejection, fear of other people, fear of success, fear of fear, it all binds and wounds and is a tool of the enemy to keep you from being in Christ all you are meant to be. Fear not. Perfect Love casts out all fears. What then is perfect Love? Christ. Perfect Love is total unconditional Love; it is open, honest, does not keep lists of wrong done to it, is not jealous or proud, it is patient, longsuffering, gentle and kind, it bears all, hopes all, and it never ever fails. Behold, Christ, and him crucified; behold, unconditional Love. Embrace it, as he embraces you and snuggles his cheek against your wool, oh, little lamb of Christ's fold.
You are not commanded to conform to what man tells you, but God. God tells you the only commandment given to you in Christ is to follow the Law of Christ, and that law is the single Law of Love. You are not commanded to live a certain way, you are commanded to be Love and walk in Love. Anything that is within Love is permissible, brings edification, brings profit. Anything outside of Love is not for the best. If you will walk in Love, as God is Love, as God resides within you to teach you and guide you and lead you in Love, then you shall do fine. If you should fail, if you should fall, wallow not in the muck and mire of your fall, but look unto Jesus, the author and finisher of your faith; stand up, and move on, for you ever have Christ to embrace you again and again and again, for Love never, never, never, never, never, never fails.
Therefore, who shall say what is sin and what is not? God and God alone. All things are lawful to you but not all things edify. There are many, many things that in and of themselves are not evil, but how they are used, expressed or walked in can give rise to error and not edification. All things, all things shall be measured and judged according to the Law of Christ, the Law of Love. Love is the fulfillment of the Law, the only single Law of Christ written on your heart, and that Love compels you to embrace righteousness and shun error.
Most of Christianity is actually culturality. The Pharisees of Christ's time would prevent people from the freedom of the Gospel, keep people in spiritual, psychological and emotional bondage out of their need for control and to adhere to the laws of men, the culture of the day. Today, the modern Pharisees do no less. They command you to live as they, to think as they, and they know not Love, nor the author of Love. People fear that which is not like them, that which they do not understand, that which brings liberty. We are called unto liberty, but we do not use our liberties in Christ for occasions of the flesh, for selfish purposes, but by Love serve one another. Though we have freedom in Christ to do as we please, we do not, we choose to Love and walk in Love and do only that which is and of Love.
Walking in Love is a total unknown sometimes. We do not know if we will be Loved and accepted in return. But, this doesn’t matter. Love Loves even when rejected. We are not called to be loved and accepted by others, but rather to Love and accept others whether or not they ever accept us. We are called to wash the feet of those who would not wash our feet. Life is risk and if you risk not you shall never live, but merely exist. To risk means to expose self to both hugs and hits, acceptance and rejection. If you strive to avoid all the hurts and wounds and rejections of life, you shall miss out on all the hugs and acceptance of life. So, you risk, and in risking you get knocked around sometimes, but Christ is ever there, to heal and to help, and the hugs you receive from Christ and life will help heal and comfort whatever rejections and hurts life brings. God does not promise to take us out of our struggles and troubles but rather through them. God took Noah through the flood, Moses through the Red Sea, Daniel through the lion's den, and Jesus through the Cross to the joy of the Resurrection; God promises to take you through, too.
We grow and we learn when we risk to live. Fear not, risk and live life to the fullest. God has a plan and purpose for your life unique to you. Seek God and you shall find that plan. Seek the plan, or strive to find it or create it on your own and you shall fail. It is birthed in God and it must be completed in God. Whatever form this plan takes, first and foremost in your life, your calling is to be nothing but Love. God is satisfied with your being a child of God. Whether you are called to be the world's greatest pastor, or the world's greatest street sweeper, or just another employee in a cubicle in a large and impersonal corporation, all this is secondary to being a child of God. In being a child of God there comes satisfaction in your doing when your being is Love. Do not strive under your own strength, rest in the Lord, let the Lord be your desire, and all these other things and needs of life shall be added to you.
Go now and wash your own feet. Begin to see yourself as Christ sees you, oh precious child of God. Seek out and meditate on those things which are good, Lovely, kind and gentle, edifying and of good report, reject those things which shall bind you, keep you from growing in the Lord, negative thoughts and words and actions which keeps you in false shame and guilt, which keeps you from seeing yourself as you are and can be through Christ. Begin to wash the feet of others, people who are in need greater than you, and people who think they are better than you. Jesus Loves you, always. Again, thank you for writing. I wash your feet. Peace and hugs, Ben
See related Article Guilt and Shame.
 | | STYLE="font-family:Comic Sans MS, Times New Roman; text-align:justify">to chat about false guilt and shame. |
 | ext page for an open letter on I'm gay and married... |
Copyright 2008-2000. BBCB.
All Rights Reserved. USA.
 | 
Number of People
Who Have Visited
This Page |
To Regulate the Music Playing On This Page
|
