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This Page - Gay Christian, Gay Christians, Lesbian Christians open advice letters on is gay sex wrong, how to understand Scripture, and more.
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 A PAGE FOR STRAIGHT PEOPLE
(How to Understand Gays and Lesbians, and Gay Christians.)
THE CAUSE
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MY AUTO-
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(True Spirituality)
 GOOD NEWS (SCRIPTURES FOR THE GAY CHRISTIAN)
(Helpful Scriptures For Life)
 HOW TO BE GAY! GAY CHRISTIAN SELF-ESTEEM
(Build Healthy Self-Esteem: Adult Development, Sources And Effects Of Dysfunction, False Guilt And Shame, Misinformation About Homosexuality, Coping Skills, Destructive Behaviors, Sexual Compulsion, Relationship Development, Coming Out, Inner-Healing, Self-Love, Self-Image, Self-Actualization, Christian Principles For Life, etc.)
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(Common Letters And Replies: What Is Gay, Understanding Scripture, Gay Stereotypes, Is Change Possible, Coming Out, My Spouse Is Gay, Battered Spouse, Sex, Relationship, Masturbation, Pornography, Finding A Church, Afraid Of Rejection, Being Found Out, Does God Reject Me, My Parent Is Gay, A Spouse Leaves, Church Problems, Ben You’re Cute, etc.)
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Gay
Christian Online
Michelangelo
"Ignudo"
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 receive letters from all over the world. I personally answer every letter I receive, positive or negative. You may write me if you wish, I welcome your letters.
| Many letters I receive are requests for information or referrals to resources, requests for advice on life, questions from people trying to understand themselves and others around them; sometimes I just get letters from people hurting, needing someone to listen and care. |  |
I also receive mail from people who show respect in their disagreements. Sadly, some other letters I receive are not very respectful.
 o, I decided to share with you some of the common responses I give to people who write to me (their real names and detailed circumstances have been changed), so you might be able to learn and grow from them as I have.
Whether to you who are supportive, you who have troubles, or you who don't understand or oppose: I electronically wash your feet.
Peace and Hugs. Thanks. Ben
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Dear Ben,
I am confused. My church says it is OK for me to be gay, God accepts my sexual orientation, but having gay sex or being in a gay relationship is a sin. Is it? Thanks. Vicki
Dear Vicki,
Thank you for writing. I appreciate it and you. To begin, let us look at something that really is a sin, adultery. Jesus said if you even think about committing adultery it is the same as actually doing it. Throughout the Bible, we see references to God looking at our heart; God doesn’t look at only outward actions, but at our inward motivations. Jesus thought and action are the same thing; to think something is the same as actually doing it.
So, let us apply this to what you have been taught. Being gay is acceptable (thought), but acting gay (action) is wrong. This doesn’t measure up to Christ’s teaching. If being gay is permissible, then so is acting gay. If acting gay is a sin, having gay sex or being in a gay relationship, then so is just having a gay sexual orientation. You cannot divide or separate these, for they are the same. It’s impossible for someone to think something and have it acceptable, but to do it to be sin. It just doesn’t make sense.
The people who teach this theory are sincere and trying very hard to find some degree of acceptance of gay people. But, in the process, they still cripple gay people, preventing people from being who they are and can be in Christ. This teaching does not conform to Christ’s Law of Love, for Love does not want us to be or live as someone we are not, nor live life less fully than possible.
Just what is gay sex anyway? Just what is heterosexual sex? Just because it is heterosexual does God approve of all sex acts under the banner of heterosexual? Or approve of all heterosexual relationships? Of course not. Sexual orientation is less about sex as it is about relationship. Those who teach this half-truth begin to see the light, but then quickly shut the curtains. They agree it is OK for you to be attracted to someone of the same gender, it is part of who you are, it is OK to desire such, just don’t ever do it. But, what they fail to understand is the motivation and desire behind why you "want to do it."
Sexual orientation is the desire to abide in life-long monogamous relationship with someone, and a small part of that relationship involves sexual activity as one of the forms of expression of the dedication, devotion, commitment and Love between the two persons. In this form, and in this setting, sex takes its proper place and expression. Sex is not relationship, and relationship is not sex. Sex can be misused, abused, become sin and an idol, demean self and other people, or it can be holy, responsible, proper, sweet, beautiful, and Love. Christ gives us the choice, and only in Christ can we best walk in our sexuality.
Yes, you can be both gay in orientation and have gay sex, or even a gay relationship, but only if you understand sex in its proper place and expression within a relationship and in agreement with Christ’s Law of Love. Again, thank you for writing. I wash your feet. Peace and Hugs, Ben
See Also: Sexual Ethics.
 | to chat about sexual ethics. |
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Dear Ben,
Here are all the verses that say being gay is wrong. Why do you ignore them, and what do you believe them to say or mean? Richard
Dear Richard,
Thanks for writing and sharing. It may surprise you, but I greatly appreciate it and you. Why do you assume I ignore them? I don’t ignore them; I embrace, cherish, and love them. Why? How can I? Because I know the Author.
I could reply to your letter in great detail, outlining to you what these verses mean in their historical content, explain what they mean in the original Greek and Hebrew, or share the doctrinal meaning of them, but I will not. I will not because our faith is not reserved only for scholars, for historians, for theologians, for legalists, for linguistics, for those who have profound wisdom and understanding, for those who have superior intellect. No, our faith is for the faithless, for those without hope, for those who question and seek, for those who have no love and acceptance, no peace, no joy, no family.
Faith held beliefs are just that, faith held, and passionately defended from the heart. Neither you nor I can prove or disprove the existence of god. Rather, we choose to believe and then collect whatever evidence we believe which will support our view. But, the fact remains, we have no evidence, other than what our heart and soul tells us of God, and our relationship with God. To debate scripture is to reduce it and our faith from a living relationship with God, to mere religion, from family and Love, to dogma, rules and law. You’re taking these certain verses, throwing them out and saying, "OK, what about this," reveal less about what you wonder them to mean, or how I "ignore them," as it does about the depth and level of your understanding of and relationship with Jesus Christ and people.
 For you see, Jesus is those Scripture verses, and all the other ones, too. This is why I embrace them, don’t ignore them, why I cherish them and love them, for I embrace, cherish and love Christ. You see, Jesus is the Word of God in the flesh, every Scripture verse wrapped up in human form. Everything Christ did and was and is, is the Word of God, i.e. how Jesus walked and talked, ate and slept, laughed and cried, comforted and corrected, taught and rebuked, served and healed, lived, and died and rose again, Loved and accepted.
So, take these verses, take any verses, and hold what you believe them to mean up to Jesus Christ and compare. You don’t need anyone else to tell you what they really mean, not I, not some scholar, not some website, not some spiritual authority, just you and the Holy Spirit. You look and see. Do they match? Is your interpretation the same as the real living, breathing Jesus Christ? If so, well done. If not, then rethink.
If you approach Scripture from the position of evidence to support your beliefs or causes, or issues or debate topics, you will lose every time, because you can’t see the forest for the trees, you major in minors, you miss the obvious. What you miss is the personhood of Jesus Christ. If you abide in loving relationship with Jesus Christ, understand the depth of Christ’s Love and acceptance, and see Jesus not as a concept or thing, but as a real Person, then you’ll never miss the forest.
So, the issue at hand isn’t what these verses mean, but rather where you are in your relationship with and understanding of Jesus. Jesus loves and accepts you, has no problem with you, if you’re gay, or with gay people in general. Your problem is you resist His Love and unconditional acceptance. You devote more time to finding fault with yourself or other people, including finding verses which you believe justify condemnation, than you do with relating with Jesus, allowing Christ to flood you with God’s limitless Love for you and other people. The question then is not what these verses mean, but rather, "who is Jesus to you?"
Jesus has less disagreement with the sexuality issue as with your lack of understanding and experience of God’s boundless Love for and desire for relationship with you. My recommendation for you is to lay aside your restraints, tear down your walls of resistance, and let Christ in, fully. Through relationship with Jesus, you will understand everything you need to understand about life, about yourself, about other people. Through relationship with Christ, you’ll find the correct interpretation of all Scripture verses, understand and Love yourself and other people.
Again, thanks for writing. I wash your feet. Peace and Hugs, Ben
See Also: How You Can Be A Gay Christian, True Verses False Christianity, Books Gays, Lesbians and Christianity.
| to chat about Scripture and sexuality. |
 | ext page for open letters on what does gay mean, and a religious spouse leaves... |
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