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This Page - Gay Christian, Gay Christians, Lesbian Christians relationships article on stereotypes, being Christian in the gay world.
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Gay Christian Online
Michelangelo "Ignudo"
Sistine Chapel |  |
 eople sure can be a pain in the neck. It would be so much easier if people were like things, they stay where you put them, you know them, you can generally trust and rely on them, they often give comfort and help. But, people are not things, and further, people are not perfect, they're human. People have as many shortcomings as you do; they have strengths and weaknesses. They sometimes do things on purpose, and other times don't know what they are doing or even aware they are doing it. They can love you and hate you, be your friend, be your enemy, or be nothing at all. They are never predictable, but yet are so important and valuable to you. But, they, like you are created in God's Image, and through your relationship with God, learning and growing in Jesus, you can equip yourself to relate positively with them, and be confident in yourself in your relationships with them. So, let's look at some different relationships or situations we may find ourselves in with people.
| More people arrive at this page than just about any other page of this article. I guess it is because of search engines, and word terms. If this is you, welcome. This is a website for Gay and Lesbian Christians. This article is on Gay Christian Relationships. It would be better if you began at the first page, Gay Christian Relationships, Page One, and then arrive here. |
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 his section was inspired by a letter I received from a visitor to my website. He wrote, "Ben, you devoted many words to how to live as gay in the Christian world, but how do I live as a Christian in the gay world?" There is no "gay world," per se, but I understood immediately what he meant. Say the term "gay world" and there is a certain image that comes to mind. Some people even think it is representative of what it is and means to be gay.
The only thing gay people have in common with each other is their sexuality. The majority of their individual lives vary in culture, lifestyle, values, politics, activities, and views. When people, like me, who collect antique Fiesta dishes get together, that’s all we talk about. It makes sense; after all, that’s why we are there. So, it would make sense that when gay people get together they would discuss and celebrate sex and sexuality. But, I’ve met a few Fiesta collectors who really need to get a life, it’s all they talk about, it’s all they know. Sadly, there are some gay people who have made their lives and world revolve around their sexuality. Why?
 As a member of America Online, you can create a profile for yourself, whereby people can connect to other people of like interests. Every now and then, I get instant messages from gay men saying, "Hello, I read your profile, you sound hot, wondered if you wanted to have sex." I reply, "I am flattered, but no thank you." Then, comes the classic reply, "Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you were gay." This reveals not that all gay people want and are looking for easy sex, but rather that this man was. Why? Because he was, or because he thought he should be? Why did he think, when I declined sex, that I was not gay? How did he define gay?
I belong to the Irish and Scottish Cultural Societies. Our meetings celebrate our heritages and cultures. Yes, I have a lot in common with the Irish, but I am not truly Irish; I have more in common with the Scots, but I am not a true Scot, either. I am Scotch-Irish. The Northern Irish are a mix of Scottish and Irish, embracing aspects of both cultures and heritages, and yet having its own distinct, different culture and heritage. There isn’t a Scotch-Irish cultural society near me. I enjoy these groups and activities, but I always feel like an outsider. These groups accept me, but not quite, and neither do I completely fit in either group.
The gay world accepts me, but not quite. They don't quite know what to do with me. They are drawn to me by the commonality of our sexual orientation, but if they discover I am Christian, there is a hesitation. I enjoy attending gay functions and activities, but sometimes I feel uncomfortable with some of the things there, they're outside my familiar comfort zone, or beliefs. Most of the Christian world rejects me because of my sexuality, and many in the gay world are cautious of me because of my spirituality.
Attending a party, I was approached by a gentleman who asked me what I "like to do." I replied, "I like to go to movies, collect antiques, window shop, and spend time with my family." He laughed and said, "No, I meant, what do you like to do in bed? Maybe we can hook up after the party." I couldn't help but think he was kind of shallow, because it was foreign to how I would speak to someone. Actually, he proved to be a nice guy, he just felt that was how he should be when around "gay people." He confessed he didn't know how to meet people or how to have fun. I told him he was doing fine, just be himself, and have fun being himself. We had a nice chat, despite the fact he was disappointed to learn I had a husband.
Pick up a city’s local gay newspaper or magazine what do you find inside?
Advertisements for gay accepting churches, listing their Sunday schedules, and invitations to their upcoming ice cream socials; listings of the local gay bowling teams; upcoming choral performances by all male or female vocal groups; meeting times for the local gay Republican Party; new books available in the local gay bookstore.
Community news about Bill and Ted’s birthday barbeque they had for their son’s sixteenth birthday last Saturday; Sarah’s and Betty’s birth announcement of their new baby girl; personal ads for lawn mowing services, or seeking a pen pal; a new gay friendly Swedish or Sports massage place opening this weekend; a new gay owned clothing store offering discounts on Summer shorts and sandals; the local review of a new gay movie or television show that portrays a boringly normal gay couple at work and home.
Yes, you’re right, that isn’t what you'd find. Pick up a local gay newspaper or magazine and what do you generally find?
"Male seeking a straight acting top;" gay bookstores that don't sell books; massage services that are neither Swedish nor Sport; advertisements for male or female strippers, or nightly drag shows; bathhouses listing new daytime hours for the "business crowd."
Stores selling "toy;" and, a movie or television review that portrays, yet again, gay people as either effeminate men or masculine women, outrageously funny and flamboyant, or serious, self-hating, violent, and dysfunctional.
How did it get this way? Both portrayals, their activities and things, are a part of life. It's just a pet peeve of mine one side isn't as vocal as the other. Perhaps it's because one isn't seen as "exciting" as the other. But, exciting is all in how you see it, right? Interesting things tend to be noticed, or things we think are or should be interesting. But, once seen, they tend to assume that they themselves are THE reality.
When you spend most of your life going to work, going to school, taking care of your children, doing laundry, and paying bills, is it any wonder then that "what's going on over there" sounds exciting, inviting? You just have to remember where you are is your real world, not the other. I don't think you'll find the ultimate you've always hoped for anyway. That "exciting" world is more promise than delivery; trust me. It's sort of like walking through a casino, you see people winning everywhere. But, the people who lose you don't see. Who wants to show that off? You can go out, have fun, and be responsible in your fun. Some people, sadly, in the hopes of better things, forget this isn't their real world, and they end up trying to live the "exciting" gay lifestyle, falsely think it is the "real world."
Many gays have been rejected, wounded and hurt by our culture's dominant society. Some, sadly, consciously or unconsciously, "throw the baby out with the bathwater," and make a point of rejecting many aspects of society. A common statement you hear is "gay relationships never work, or never last long." It makes sense, considering the rejecting environment. Relationships can and do last, founded on principles that are neither heterosexual, nor homosexual, but just good common sense, and healthy positive choices.
See Also: Misinformation About Homosexuality, Gay Stereotypes, What Does Gay Mean?, Ethics, Sexual Ethics.
 about being Christian in the gay world.
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