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This Page - Gay Christian, Gay Christians, Lesbian Christians relationships article on stereotypes, being Christian in the gay world.
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Gay Christian Online
Michelangelo "Ignudo"
Sistine Chapel |  |
 eople sure can be a pain in the neck. It would be so much easier if people were like things, they stay where you put them, you know them, you can generally trust and rely on them, they often give comfort and help. But, people are not things, and further, people are not perfect, they're human. People have as many shortcomings as you do; they have strengths and weaknesses. They sometimes do things on purpose, and other times don't know what they are doing or even aware they are doing it. They can love you and hate you, be your friend, be your enemy, or be nothing at all. They are never predictable, but yet are so important and valuable to you. But, they, like you are created in God's Image, and through your relationship with God, learning and growing in Jesus, you can equip yourself to relate positively with them, and be confident in yourself in your relationships with them. So, let's look at some different relationships or situations we may find ourselves in with people.
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At a small get together, playing cards and board games with other gay men, I was asked by an acquaintance what church I used to pastor, and another gentleman replied, "You were a pastor? How can you be gay and Christian?" Another gentleman replied, "Yes, don’t you know how much Christians hate gays, how can you associate with such people?"
I was stunned, yet it makes sense. How often are gays told they are loved and accepted by Christians? How has Christianity presented itself to gays? It's not that gays are inherently hostile to Christianity, or spirituality in general. I've always noticed a very high hunger and environment of spirituality within the gay community. Not finding it in Christianity, they've turned to other things. And when was the last time you heard of Christianity or a Christian as being fun?
In rejecting something foundational, you may run the risk of overload, going over board with too much freedom, and forgetting that freedom needs balance with responsibility. In its attempts to throw off what it perceives as the restrictive shackles of bondage and pain from society, the exciting gay lifestyle finds itself not free. This lack of promised freedom leads to either frustration or a positive curiosity. True Christianity offers the curious the promise of fun with responsibility.
And, as often is the case, that which you most make fun of, or reject, is that which you most wish for, would like to be, and is best for you. Many gays try to have their cake and eat it, too, but in reality they hunger for a whole better dessert. True gay Christians make good cooks.
Truthfully, it puzzled me for a long time why some people make fun of me, or misunderstand me, and yet people are always seeking me out, drawn to me. A friend finally clued me in. I am exciting AND boringly normal. In many respects, I am everything they want to be, but either don’t make the effort to become, or don't know how. No one is stopping them, except them. No one will encourage them to try except me, people like me, and you.
Unfortunately, as often is the case, when you’re trying to have fun, trying hard to throw all cares to the wind, kick up your heels and have a good time, celebrate your sexuality, there’s nothing like a Christian walking into the room to ruin a good time, or make it seem that way. Truth is, most Christians are perceived as the ultimate party poopers. Further true, is the fact that many Christians ARE party poopers. Christians have more rules than they have life, more boundaries than they have fun. If it’s sinful, or fattening, leave it to the Christian to remind you. I know, because I used to think and be this way.
 We are perceived this way, because, quite frankly, that’s what we seem to be and do most of the time. Christians do a good job of portraying Christianity as anything other than what it really is, and we do a good job of making it very undesirable to want to become. Christians don’t drink, or smoke, don’t dance, don’t watch television or movies, devote more time to banning books than reading them, don’t fool around, and if they do have sex, they don’t enjoy it. A Christian is interpreted as someone who isn’t any fun. Add to this the belief that Christianity is hostile towards homosexuality, and is it any wonder few gays are Christian? The saying and belief, "it’s impossible to be gay and Christian," really originates not with right-wing fundamentalist Christianity, but with gay people themselves.
But, we who are true Christian and gay know these perceptions of us are based on falsehoods, and an incomplete portrayal of Christianity. We who are in Christ know freedom with responsibility, liberty with grace.
To be Christian in the gay world means being sensitive to how we portray ourselves to our fellow brothers and sisters. It is important to portray Christianity as it really is, relationship, not religion. We tell people we choose not to smoke, or drink to excess, not because we are Christian, but because we choose the path of love, and love doesn’t make choices that could hurt our bodies. We turn down cheap passes for sex not because we are Christian, but because we choose the path of love, and through love we desire meaning and sharing, along with fun, when we have sex.
We know the reality of both "gay worlds," and that there is good and bad in both. We celebrate all in the gay community that uplifts it, brings healing and peace to its members, and which is worthy of celebration and good times.
We share we are Christian because of the relationship we have with God, our Dad, and Jesus, our big Brother. Through God and Jesus Christ, we share how we have the freedom to be who we really are and are meant to be, empowered to live our lives completely, centered, with joy and peace. Through God and Jesus Christ, we share how we have found peace with ourselves, found the proper place and expression of our sexuality, love and accept ourselves, and that joy and possibility is available to them, too.
To be honest, I still don’t get invited to a lot of gay parties and activities. I’m perceived, and pre-judged a wet blanket. It's assumed I will be critical of whatever happens, I wouldn’t feel comfortable there, or if invited, wouldn't even go. Just the other day, my partner said his friends invited him somewhere, he felt awkward going without me, but when he mentioned me to his friends, they replied they thought I'd be a dull addition. Little do they know. When I am invited, they are surprised sometimes when I say yes, or how at ease I am with them, have a good time, and am not as critical as they thought I’d be. Yes, they sometimes engage in things and activities I either don’t understand or don't feel comfortable with, but I keep those thoughts to myself. By being there, I offer myself, and my forms of fun times, too.
To be even more honest, as a side note, I don’t get invited to a lot of gay parties and activities because I am a gay parent, too. I'm perceived and pre-judged, like being a single mom, you "come with baggage." Many people I asked out on a date, or they asked me, rejected me when they discovered I was a parent. It is difficult to find free time to socialize. Even if I find the time, often the activities gay people organize do not think about us with children, do not make plans or accommodations for an atmosphere conducive for children. I sometimes find I do not have a lot in common with single gay men, or even gay couples without children, and they sometimes feel awkward around me, too. But, some people are fascinated with the fact I am a parent, wonder what it is like being a gay father, what my son thinks of my sexuality, or even wonder how I got a child. Thankfully, I found a life partner who loves my son, and loves children.
Many people, gay and straight, seem surprised when a Christian laughs, or appears to have fun. Want to shock one? Wink. HaHa. They might be surprised what I might like to do. I am not a complete fuddy-duddy. But, I guess that's to be expected with the title and stereotype of being a gay Christian.
 Yes, to be Christian in the gay world means to be misunderstood, stereotyped, made fun of, but no more than anywhere else. We cannot compromise our sexuality, neither can we compromise who we are in Christ. We are called to be His witnesses, wherever we are, to be His Love to a world hungry and searching. People will be attracted to you for the qualities you show. You reveal the reality of being gay, with dignity and responsibility, rooted and grounded in a foundation of healthy self-respect, love, and acceptance. If we are not willing and able to fellowship how will other gays ever hear the Good News of Jesus? So, we put up with the stereotypes, and the misunderstandings, and things people do and say that we find uncomfortable. Through our Love, loving them as Christ loves us, we bring to them the hope of new life, new beginnings, a secure life and mature sexuality, rooting them in who they should be, and their true real gay world.
Truthfully, I can feel comfortable in the gay world and the Christian world, but it’s like being Scotch-Irish. Around Christians, I can talk about Christ, but often not my sexuality. Around gay people, I can talk about my sexuality, but sharing my spirituality sometimes makes them uncomfortable. It’s only amongst other gay Christians that I really feel at home. With them I can celebrate both my sexuality and spirituality together. But life cannot, should not, be lived only with like-minded people. I don't live my life in a world made up only of gay Christians, and I don't want to. We are called to go out into the world, we are to be Love in all we are and do, and show people, through our life witness how to find life, and live it more abundantly.
See Also: Misinformation About Homosexuality, Gay Stereotypes, What Does Gay Mean?, Ethics, Sexual Ethics.
 about being Christian in the gay world.
 | o, get out there in the gay community and be Christian: be a light and shine, be a witness of Christ and how to live a positive, responsible, and healthy gay or lesbian life; and, don't forget to have fun and wink, too. |
 
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