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This Page - Gay Christian, Gay Christians, Lesbian Christians healthy self-esteem, discussion on guilt and shame, false condemnation, self-hatred, and more.
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 s time has passed and as I have spent time assisting people in furthering their walk with Jesus it is my firm belief the majority of difficulties people experience regarding sexuality and sexual orientation really have nothing to do with these issues.
Rather, I believe they instead wrestle with self-love, self-image, self-acceptance, self-actualization and self-esteem. When these truer issues are addressed in Jesus Christ then the sexuality and sexual orientation will naturally and without effort fall into place and its proper holy expression.
The beginning of developing a good self-image, self-acceptance, etc. is to develop a relationship with God, becoming a Christian. Through God and relationship with Jesus shall you have the proper foundation to build your life. But, what if even then, after starting, you faultier and fall, make a mistake?
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 esus calls and says "to whoever, come and I will in no wise cast you out." Shall Jesus now place conditions upon that call? God forbid. Who has condemned you? Is it God, society, people, your own heart? God forbid. If Christ condemns you not, then who then can condemn you? If your spirit bears witness with Christ's Spirit you indeed are a Child of God, who then can cast you out? Who then can say you are not of God's household? If the Father of the House calls you His child, who can call you bastard? John 6:37-40; Romans 8:1, 16-17, 28, 37-39
There is a total difference between guilt and shame. Healthy guilt is when you do wrong, don't measure up to expectations, fall short of yourself, AND you know you need to correct it and if it cannot be corrected then learned from and move on. Guilt that leads to change, and to Love is good, but guilt that leads to self-condemnation is not right, and it leads to shame. Shame is when you believe the reason why you fall short of the mark, why you make errors, is because at your core, at the heart of your very being, you see yourself as a flawed person. I John 3:20-24
 So many gays and lesbians fall victim to false shame, and that shame leads to low self-esteem, sometimes self-hatred, and often to addictions to drugs, alcohol or destructive behaviors; very sad. Through the understanding of Christ's Love, adoption into the Family of God, and applying God's Love to self and others, the self-esteem can develop properly and the unhealthy or addictive behaviors overcome. You, as a Gay Christian, must begin to see yourself as Christ sees you and apply this knowledge to your heart and life. But, you may ask, how does Christ see me?
"There is now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who are called according to God's purpose." What is this purpose, for what calling are you called? Are you called to live a certain life, a certain lifestyle, to conform to society's whims, to the culture of the times? God forbid. You are called to be a Child of God, nothing more nothing less; you are called to be Love, nothing more and nothing less.
"Perfect love casts out fear," and fear brings torment. If there is an aspect of your life where you have no peace, then that denotes an area of your life that needs to be touched by the Holy Spirit and the Fruit of the Holy Spirit, which is Love. Then through Love comes joy, peace, faith, patience, goodness, meekness, self-control. If you strive to gain peace and joy on your own, you will fail, if you try to gain self-control you shall fail. But, if you abide in Jesus, let Jesus have the rule of your heart and let Jesus have the area in need of touching, then you will find what you seek. You are called not to do but to be, and in your being your doing is Love, for God is Love. John 15:4-9 I John 4:18
 The opposite of Love is not hate, it is fear. Fear keeps you in prison, keeps you stationary, stagnant, unable to move or to grow. Whether fear of the unknown, fear of self, fear of being hurt or hurt again, fear of rejection, fear of other people, fear of success, fear of fear, they all bind and wound and are tools of the enemy to keep you from being in Christ all you are meant to be. Fear not. Perfect love casts out all fears. What then is perfect Love? Christ. Perfect Love is total unconditional Love; it is open, honest, does not keep lists of wrong done to it, is not jealous or proud, it is patient, longsuffering, gentle and kind, it bears all, hopes all, and it never ever fails. Behold, Christ, and Christ crucified. Behold, unconditional Love. Embrace Jesus, as Jesus embraces you and snuggles His cheek against your wool, oh, little lamb of Christ's fold. Christ is total perfect unconditional Love.
You are not commanded to conform to what people tell you, but God. God tells you the only commandment given you in Christ is to follow the Law of Christ, and that Law is the single Law of Love. You are not commanded to live a certain way, you are commanded to be Love and walk in Love in all your ways. Anything that is Love is permissible, brings edification and profit. Anything outside of Love is not for the best. If you will walk in Love, as God is Love, as God resides within you to teach you and guide you and lead you in Love, then you shall do fine.
 Walking in Love does not mean "doing your own thing," or "doing whatever you please." Walking in Love means learning to discern what is good, right, and edifying, and rejecting everything which is not positive, not helpful, not in the best interests of you or anyone else. You may have a license to do whatever you want, but Love compels you to reject that which isn't God's best for you. But, what if you make a mistake, walk outside of the Law of Love. We are all human, we are not yet perfect. If we make a mistake does that mean we've lost it all, game over?
If you should fail, if you should fall, wallow not in the muck and mire of your fall. Look unto Jesus, the Author and Finisher of your faith; stand up, and move on, for you ever have Christ to embrace you again and again and again, for love never, never, never, never, never, ever fails. Let Christ forgive you, and remember to forgive yourself, too.
Therefore, who shall say what is sin and what is not? God, and God alone. All things are lawful to you but not all things edify. There are many, many things which in and of themselves are not evil, but how they are used, expressed or walked in can give rise to error and not edification. All things, all things shall be measured and judged according to the Law of Christ, the Law of Love. Love is the fulfillment of the Law, the only single Law of Christ written on your heart, and that Love compels you to embrace righteousness and shun error.
 Today, most of what is said to be Christianity is actually Culturality. The Pharisees of Christ's time would prevent people from the freedom of the Gospel, keep people in spiritual, psychological and emotional bondage out of their need for control and to adhere to the Laws of men, the culture of the day. Today, the modern Pharisees do no less. They command you to live as they, to think as they, and they know not Love, nor the Author of Love. It is so much easier when people are like robots or cattle, you don't have to worry about diversity, individual thinking, individual gifts, needs, etc. This type of thinking requires complete control, frowns on independent thinking, and God forbid, individual expression. It is religion based on fear, not Love. People fear that which is not like them, that which they do not understand, that which brings liberty. We are called unto liberty, but we do not use our liberties in Christ for occasions of the flesh, for selfish purposes, but by Love serve one another. The word "liberty" scares a lot of modern Christians, for they think this means "out of control." But, though we have freedom in Christ to do as we please, we do not, we choose to Love and walk in Love and do only that which is and of Love.
So, who has a problem with you being gay? Is it God, you, or other people? Being gay, homosexual, is just as Lawful as being straight, heterosexual, both are acceptable to God. But, how you choose to walk in your sexuality can give rise to error, falling short of God's best, whether you are gay or straight. God's best is the walk of Love, Christ's Law of Love, and that Law leads to edification, growth and profit. All aspects of your being are supposed to be surrendered to Christ, including your sexuality and sexual orientation. If you walk in Love in your sexuality and sexual orientation, then you are walking in God's best for you. If you walk outside of Love in your sexuality and sexual orientation, then you are not walking in God's best for you.
God's best for you is between you and your God, and it is no one else's business. Your liberties in Christ are your liberties, and no one has a right to try to take them from you, nor condemn you for them. You have no right to do the same regarding your brother or sister's liberties in Christ, either. It is between them and their God. You are commanded to respect and Love each other, and your individual liberties, and not use them for selfish purposes or to cause each other offense. I Corinthians 10:29-33; Galatians 5:1, 13
You have no right to self-condemnation for being gay, homosexual, any more than someone would for being straight, heterosexual. Both are acceptable to God. But, how you walk in your sexuality and sexual orientation may or may not be God's best for you. If you hate yourself for being gay, this is false shame; you have nothing to be ashamed of for being gay. Listen to what God has to say about you, not what you say about yourself, not what other people say about you.
If, in being gay, you walk outside of God's best, Christ's Law of Love, then you have real and honest guilt. What do you do with real and honest guilt? You confess it to God, to Jesus, and turn away from the error and embrace again God's Love as the pattern for your life. You wallow not in the mud in which you've fallen, nor do you lose sight of your goal, Jesus Christ. You get up, you wash, you go on. You recognize your humanness, your need for God's continual help and guidance for your life. I John 1:9
 | about real or false guilt and shame. |
See Also: Sin, Forgiveness, and Restoration, I'm Afraid God Will Reject Me, I Hate Being Gay.
 | alse shame can have other effects on people, too. Let's look at some of them, so we can recognize them, and learn how to respond to and deal properly with them... |
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