|
This Page - Gay Christian, Gay Christians, Lesbian Christians healthy self-esteem, discussion on sexual compulsion romantic fantasy, trophies syndrome, avoidance, over-indulgence, rejection, arrested sexual development, and more.
 WEBSITE
CONTENTS
Search by word, phrase, or topic within this Website.
 GAY CHRISTIAN
ONLINE INDEX
(Home)
 CONTACT ME
(E-Mail Me)
 SUPPORT THIS WEBSITE
(Contact Me, Or Donate Online)
HOW TO GET
THESE ARTICLES
(You may receive articles by donation, which can be either mailed to you, or the article file saved to your computer; multiple copies available, too.)
 WELCOME
(Website Background)
INTRODUCTION
(Website Purpose)
WEBSITE EXCERPTS
(Overview of the Website)
 A PAGE FOR STRAIGHT PEOPLE
(How to Understand Gays and Lesbians, and Gay Christians.)
THE CAUSE
OF HOMOSEXUALITY
(What Makes Someone Gay or Lesbian; Theories and Causes Explored; The Real Cause Finally Revealed)
THE
"SPOT THE GAY"
GAME
(How to Tell If "Someone" Is Gay or Lesbian - Game One; How to Tell If "You" Are Gay or Lesbian - Game Two)
MY AUTO-
BIOGRAPHY
(Youth, Marriage And Religious Service, Name Change, Coming Out, Current Life, And Monthly Updates)
 HOW TO BE A GAY CHRISTIAN
(Despite What You've Been Told)
 TRUE VERSES FALSE CHRISTIANITY
(True Spirituality)
 GOOD NEWS (SCRIPTURES FOR THE GAY CHRISTIAN)
(Helpful Scriptures For Life)
 HOW TO BE GAY! GAY CHRISTIAN SELF-ESTEEM
(Build Healthy Self-Esteem: Adult Development, Sources And Effects Of Dysfunction, False Guilt And Shame, Misinformation About Homosexuality, Coping Skills, Destructive Behaviors, Sexual Compulsion, Relationship Development, Coming Out, Inner-Healing, Self-Love, Self-Image, Self-Actualization, Christian Principles For Life, etc.)
 OPEN LETTERS
(Common Letters And Replies: What Is Gay, Understanding Scripture, Gay Stereotypes, Is Change Possible, Coming Out, My Spouse Is Gay, Battered Spouse, Sex, Relationship, Masturbation, Pornography, Finding A Church, Afraid Of Rejection, Being Found Out, Does God Reject Me, My Parent Is Gay, A Spouse Leaves, Church Problems, Ben You’re Cute, etc.)
 LIVING THE GAY CHRISTIAN LIFE
(Salvation, Baptism, Sanctification, Holiness, Sin, Forgiveness, Communion, Sacraments, Prayer, Fasting, Scripture Study, Giving, Witnessing, Serving, Ethics, Dating & Relationships, Sexual Ethics, etc.)
GAY CHRISTIAN RELATIONSHIPS
(Gay And Married, Gay Dating And Relationships, Friends, Choosing A Church, Being Christian In The Gay World, etc.)
SAME-SEX
MARRIAGE
CEREMONY
(Traditional Marriage Ceremony for Catholic or Protestant Christians; Format, Suggested Music, Scriptures, Text, etc.)
GAY CHRISTIAN ATHLETICS
(Pass Gym Class: Diet, Supplements, Sleep, Sex, Body Care, Clothes, The Gym, The LockerRoom, Etiquette, Exercise Plans)
 REFERENCED AND RECOMMENDED BOOKS
(Gay & Lesbian, Christianity, Coming Out, Relationships, Marriage, Parenting, Youth, Psychology, Health, Humor, etc.)
OTHER INTERNET LINKS
(Gay & Lesbian, Christianity, Resources, Coming Out, Marriage, Psychology, Parenting, Youth, Health, Relationships, etc.)
MY MUSIC
(Music Composed and Published)
MY POETRY
(Yes, Most Are Romantic)
THANK YOU
(Thank You For Being Here)
 Copyright 2008-1997. All Rights Reserved. BBCB. USA.
Website Featured On...
Cable News Network
British Broadcasting Corporation
 Graphics & Music Used Are Believed Public Domain Unless Otherwise Noted. Some Graphics Courtesy Of...
This page hosted by...
|
Gay Christian Online
Michelangelo "Ignudo"
Sistine Chapel |  |
 HOME
 s time has passed and as I have spent time assisting people in furthering their walk with Jesus it is my firm belief the majority of difficulties people experience regarding sexuality and sexual orientation really have nothing to do with these issues.
Rather, I believe they instead wrestle with self-love, self-image, self-acceptance, self-actualization and self-esteem. When these truer issues are addressed in Jesus Christ then the sexuality and sexual orientation will naturally and without effort fall into place and its proper holy expression.
Sex is natural and healthy, when you walk in it responsibly, and in Christ's Love. It should edify and uplift self and your special person. In it you should not abuse self or other people.
 HOME
 | et’s continue... |
Romantic Fantasy
Another potential source of compulsion is romance. This seems odd because we think of romance as something good, sweet and sentimental. But like many other things in life, romance can be abused. Often people fall into the trap of "falling in Love with falling in Love," they aren't in Love with the person but the feelings they experience. Being in Love is full of emotional highs, and like other compulsions and addictions, you need the continual stimulus to feel that high or rush. So, you float from one Love affair to another, fall in and out of Love at the drop of a hat. You may even fall into, what I call the "cute little book" trap. Have you ever seen those little books in bookstores on Love, where every page is some cute little thing you should do to keep romance in your life? Like "buy him chocolate body paint," or "greet her at the door completely naked," etc. Many of the suggestions are good, but only to a point. Real life isn't continual romance. Real life isn't a date every day with your lover, one bar party or hot-tub adventure after another. Real life is watching TV, or mowing the grass, cooking dinner, spending time with family, and watching paint dry with your lover. We need romance in relationships, but relationships are not romance.
Trophies Syndrome
A similar warped side to romance is the need to control other people. Many people try to "win" others, and in winning they believe they find value or worth in the process. If you win, then you must be worthy of winning. Or by controlling someone sexually or in relationship, you can control your own insecurities and feelings of inadequacy. The only problem is you have to keep winning, keep controlling, and so you float from one conquest to another, or you need bigger and bigger "trophies."
Avoidance
Another odd sexual compulsion is the complete lack of any sexuality at all. Rather than just running wild, you swing the pendulum to the opposite extreme and become some kind of sexual hermit. Out of self-shame, you believe you are not capable of being sexual with anyone, or believe that no one would ever desire you sexually. You believe yourself unlovable, and your desire for love "shameful." You expend a great amount of compulsive energy trying to keep your body, mind and life in control. Much of the source of this behavior is feeling unworthy or undeserving of love and attention, or the belief you are incapable of knowing how to love. Often, this takes on compulsive, unhealthy masturbation behaviors or obsessions, and then you feel shame from the behavior, driving the cycle even further.
Over-Indulgence
Or there are people who swing the sexual pendulum to the other extreme and become the "poster-child" for every stereotype against gay people. You are totally out of control, can't refuse any sexual offer, and if it isn't offered, then you go looking for it. You don't know who you had sex with last week or last night, the most common name of the people you have sex with is "anonymous." You have compartmentalized yourself, cutting yourself off from yourself and any feelings; you numb yourself with sex like it was a drug, and thereby cripple your ability to be intimate or really real with someone. Your slogan is "whatever feels good do it," but in the process you've lost your sense of feeling. Sex has become your worship, your idol, your God. In your worship, you've lost yourself, drowning in a sea of flesh.
Rejection
Still another form of sexual compulsion is rejection. You deliberately subject yourself to sex or relationship with someone who will reject you. Perhaps rejected by your parents or family as a child or adolescent you now relive this through your sexuality. You always get involved with people you know will not commit to relationship with you, or that you know will "dump you." Or, you find fault with the person, so you can break off the relationship. You float from person to person, always finding fault with self or the other person, or always setting a standard too high for you or anyone to meet. You shame self, and in so doing you shame others.
Arrested Sexual Development
Still other people try to fill in gaps in development through sex. If you feel you never had a good or proper relationship with your parent, you may be sexually attracted to a person very much older than you, desiring to heal subconsciously your relationship with your parent. If you felt vulnerable as a child, you may find yourself attracted to someone younger than you, so you can "take care of him or her," and thereby find love in your own lost childhood. If you feel a certain quality lacking in your life you may be sexually attracted to someone within a profession or cultural icon which emulates that need, such as a policeman, fireman, cowboy, nurse, doctor, etc. If you feel like you need to be punished for being what you are, you may be attracted sexually to the dysfunction of sadomasochism.
 t is important to pause and remember here that many of these things are in and of themselves not wrong. Again, compulsions are the warping of a good and healthy thing into a dysfunctional thing. Many of these things are not inherently wrong; most of them can be positive and have value and importance in life. But, here we are talking about them being misused, warped and not for the best, not edifying and bringing growth.
No matter what the form of sexual compulsion, the same feelings remains after the sex is over, and they usually aren't good. Rather than seek out good and healthy sexuality and a proper sexual relationship within the guidelines God desires for you, you float from one dysfunctional sexual experience to another. You search for intimacy, love and meaning, even relationship, and thinking you find it in sex, you fail.
 | ere's the bottom line, I think, about sexual compulsion: |
Professionals say a successful life, and even a relationship, is only ten percent dependent on what goes on in the bedroom, and ninety percent dependent on what goes on outside of the bedroom. If you are sexually compulsive, you live your life as if ninety percent of your life is dependent on what goes on in the bedroom, and ten percent on what goes on outside of the bedroom.
 | about your sexual expression. |
See Also: Sexual Ethics, Sex Outside Of A Relationship, Pornography, Masturbation, Reproduction, Is Gay Sex Wrong?, Sin, Forgiveness, And Restoration, Being Christian In The Gay World.
 | od has a plan for your sexuality, and that plan is holy, pure, right, centered and balanced, and Love. As you draw closer to God, you will find the proper place for your sexuality. |
| Let’s see how on the next page... |
Copyright 2008-1999. BBCB. All Rights Reserved. USA.
 | 
Number of People
Who Have Visited
This Page |
To Regulate the Music Playing On This Page
|
