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This Page - Gay Christian, Gay Christians, Lesbian Christians healthy self-esteem, discussion on self-love, self-image, self-acceptance, loving yourself, and more.
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 A PAGE FOR STRAIGHT PEOPLE
(How to Understand Gays and Lesbians, and Gay Christians.)
THE CAUSE
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(What Makes Someone Gay or Lesbian; Theories and Causes Explored; The Real Cause Finally Revealed)
THE
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MY AUTO-
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 HOW TO BE A GAY CHRISTIAN
(Despite What You've Been Told)
 TRUE VERSES FALSE CHRISTIANITY
(True Spirituality)
 GOOD NEWS (SCRIPTURES FOR THE GAY CHRISTIAN)
(Helpful Scriptures For Life)
 HOW TO BE GAY! GAY CHRISTIAN SELF-ESTEEM
(Build Healthy Self-Esteem: Adult Development, Sources And Effects Of Dysfunction, False Guilt And Shame, Misinformation About Homosexuality, Coping Skills, Destructive Behaviors, Sexual Compulsion, Relationship Development, Coming Out, Inner-Healing, Self-Love, Self-Image, Self-Actualization, Christian Principles For Life, etc.)
 OPEN LETTERS
(Common Letters And Replies: What Is Gay, Understanding Scripture, Gay Stereotypes, Is Change Possible, Coming Out, My Spouse Is Gay, Battered Spouse, Sex, Relationship, Masturbation, Pornography, Finding A Church, Afraid Of Rejection, Being Found Out, Does God Reject Me, My Parent Is Gay, A Spouse Leaves, Church Problems, Ben You’re Cute, etc.)
 LIVING THE GAY CHRISTIAN LIFE
(Salvation, Baptism, Sanctification, Holiness, Sin, Forgiveness, Communion, Sacraments, Prayer, Fasting, Scripture Study, Giving, Witnessing, Serving, Ethics, Dating & Relationships, Sexual Ethics, etc.)
GAY CHRISTIAN RELATIONSHIPS
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SAME-SEX
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GAY CHRISTIAN ATHLETICS
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 REFERENCED AND RECOMMENDED BOOKS
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 Copyright 2008-1997. All Rights Reserved. BBCB. USA.
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 s time has passed and as I have spent time assisting people in furthering their walk with Jesus it is my firm belief the majority of difficulties people experience regarding sexuality and sexual orientation really have nothing to do with these issues.
Rather, I believe they instead wrestle with self-love, self-image, self-acceptance, self-actualization and self-esteem. When these truer issues are addressed in Jesus Christ then the sexuality and sexual orientation will naturally and without effort fall into place and its proper holy expression.
You've been miserable because you've believed and listened to yourself and people who've told you that you are miserable. Now it is time to listen to what God believes about you.
Here is how I looked in High School, total nerd, low self-esteem.
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 | et’s continue... |
Jesus said we are to "Love others as you Love yourself." I used to think if you spent any time on self then you were being selfish. It took me a long time to realize spending time on self can be a good thing, growing in Love, and learning to be a better and stronger person. In so doing, you are better able to serve and Love others, be there for them, abide in better relationships with them. If you are messed up inside, then more often than not, most of your relationships with people will be messed up, too. How you see and relate with yourself cannot only affect how you see and relate to other people but how you see and relate to God.
 A lot of people see God the way they view their parents, or other adults with whom they have had relationship. If you grew up in a home where you didn't have much Love, or you felt left out, isolated or abandoned, it may be hard for you to see God as Loving, caring and desiring intimacy with you. If you suffered an abusive relationship with a parent, family, or some other adult, you may think of God as abusive, too, or that God doesn't care about suffering. If you came from a demanding home, where you had to perform in order to get attention, then you may believe you have to follow the same script in order to get attention from God. If you were hurt by Christians or your Church, you may blame God for this, and think God doesn't Love or care for you. We tend to try to make God into our own image, or the image of people around us. God is none of these things.
If you want to know what God is really like, then look at Jesus. Read the Gospels Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. Jesus was God made flesh, and Jesus walked among us. He ate, slept, felt pain, hunger, thirst. Jesus cried; he endured the loss of friends, even death. He saw people hurt, used and abused, and experienced it all Himself, too. He was rejected and ridiculed; He was despised. He was tempted in everything we are tempted; He knew weakness. He was fully Human, and fully Divine. Sometimes it's easy for people to tell you that you need to do something, and they've never experienced what you are going through, don't know how you feel, what you want or need. Jesus has. You know something else? I have, too. I've been there; I've been where you are. I write by experience.
Jesus Loved. He Loved and accepted people. He ate and fellowshipped with the outcasts of society. He defended the weak, the poor in spirit and heart. He served by example. He taught Love and measured everything by Love. He healed the sick, raised the dead, and set free the spiritually, emotionally, and psychologically captive. He took upon Himself all of our errors, our faults, our weaknesses, so that through Him we might find forgiveness, restoration, wholeness, freedom, strength and life. Jesus said, "follow Me," He is the perfect example of God, all that God is and desires to be to us. Jesus is your example of what God is really like.
God is not like the people who have hurt you. God is not like your parents who tried the best they knew how, but still just didn't seem to get it right. God is not like the people at Church who have disappointed you. God never lets you down, God never gives up on you, God never wants you less than what you need to be.
God is worthy of your trust. Jesus is there for you, always. Always.
You need to begin to unlearn all that you have learned which is not Love, which leads not to your edification and growth. You need to let go of the rules forced on you by other people, or even self, rules that bind you, prevent you from being your real self, and embrace instead the rule of Christ, which is Love.
If God has no problem with your being gay, then why do you? Then let that go, and unlearn this self-hatred. Begin instead to embrace your sexual orientation. If you've walked in your sexuality in unhealthy ways because of your past self-abuse, then let that go, too, lay it all at Jesus feet and walk away from them. Instead, let Jesus cleanse you and teach you how to begin to walk in your sexuality in ways which are healthy for you. Your sexual orientation is acceptable to God, but you need to learn how to walk in it according to God's best for you.
The measure or degree of Love and acceptance you have for yourself is directly related to your self-image, how you see yourself. If you see yourself as an "abomination," then you probably would not have much Love for yourself. If you see yourself as a child of God, growing in Christ and God's Love and Grace, then you'd probably have a better image of yourself and a greater measure of self-acceptance. So, what's stopping you, begin today to see and accept yourself as God does.
 Acknowledge to yourself the past hurtful ways you've been living, whereby you were trying to suppress your true self, or you abused your self, ignored and repressed self, etc. Such things were wrong. Acknowledge to yourself your self-abuse, and forgive yourself of it. Let it go, turn to Jesus and ask Him to forgive you for hating or denying yourself. Recognize the ways you have been abusive to yourself, recognize the destructive and negative patterns you've been following, and reject them. If you have suffered from shame, rejection or abuse by other people, recognize such for what they are, and how they are not meant for your good, but to keep you bound, and forgive them and let their negativity go. Be open with yourself about yourself. Be open with yourself about your own patterns of shame, rejection and abuse. Recognize them for what they are, enemies.
Positive begets positive, positive reinforces positive. Begin with little steps; find ways of affirmation to your self. Find little ways to be positive to yourself, reward yourself in little ways. Begin to reprogram your thinking processes, look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you are a person of inherent worth, Loved by God AND that you Love yourself, too. Because God Loves you, you can Love yourself, too.
Each little successful step you take will reinforce the new life you are now beginning to live. Each little step is affirmation you are on the right track to recovery, to becoming the real person God desires you to be.
Here, at this beginning, you are not trying to figure out how to live your life, how to deal with life and other people, but how to live with yourself. Everything needs a beginning, and to begin to live your life as a positive healthy Gay Christian, you need to develop a good positive and healthy self-love and self-acceptance through a good self-image.
As you begin to grow in your spiritual self, your inner person and the real you, then your environment will begin to be naturally effected by this inward change in you. If you smile, the world tends to smile back, at least most of the time. But, if you never smile, you might just create a smile-less world. So, shine, let the light of Christ within you begin to burn, let it fill every inch of you with God's Love Light, and then you will begin to shine outward, begin to see change in your world.
 But, for now, we need to especially concentrate and work on that inner self, don't we? This stage does not mean you are to be totally absorbed into self and ignore the world around you. No, you need to do your job, be there for other people when they need you, be active, out and about doing your everyday life. But, this stage means you need to focus especially on your inner self, get it in line with God's best for you, so you can then affect positively the world around you. "Love others as you Love yourself," in part means to learn to Love yourself so you can more effectively Love other people, but at the same time it means during the process of learning to Love self you continually Love other people as best you can, more today than yesterday, and less today than tomorrow.
In the process of learning to Love and accept self, you will try steps which you may discover just aren't quite right, or just not for you. Fine, let them go, you haven't failed, so don't give up. You've just learned you don't like something. This is how you learn, by trying, by taking risks, positive risks. If you screw up and fall into some old way or pattern, don't wallow in it, tell yourself you are a failure, or return to the old patterns of thinking and demean yourself. Instead, reject them, get up, wash up, and move on.
You may reach a point in growth now and then when it seems you're stuck in neutral, not going forward and not going backwards. Life isn't always growth, sometimes life is just routine. This is the time when you just need to continue to reinforce the positive changes you've already made, begin to make them routine. Professionals say that habits are repetitive events that become part of a script. If you can create a bad habit by repeating it enough, until it just becomes a part of you without realizing it, then can you not create a good habit by repeating it, too? Of course. So, reinforce and practice the positive changes you've made, and new growth and progress will begin again when you are ready for it.
 | about being your gay self. |
See Also: I Hate Being Gay.
 | ou build a good and healthy self-image when you build it in and through God and Jesus Christ... |
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