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This Page - Gay Christian, Gay Christians, Lesbian Christians discern true Christianity from false Christianity, religion definition, absolute thinking, spiritual help to live a full and abundant life.
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GAY CHRISTIAN
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WELCOME
(Website Background - What It Is Not; Its Beginnings, and History, etc.)
INTRODUCTION
(Website Purpose - What It Is; How It Can Help, etc.)
WEBSITE
EXCERPTS
(Overview of the Website - Brief Description of Each Website Article With Excerpts)
A PAGE FOR
STRAIGHT PEOPLE
(How to Understand Gays and Lesbians, and Gay Christians; Stereotypes and Misunderstandings; Just What Is a Gay Christian; Silly False Fears; Our Common Goals and Bonds, etc.)
THE CAUSE
OF HOMOSEXUALITY
(What Makes Someone Gay or Lesbian; Theories and Causes Explored; The Real Cause Finally Revealed)
THE
"SPOT THE GAY"
GAME
(How to Tell If "Someone" Is Gay or Lesbian - Game One; How to Tell If "You" Are Gay or Lesbian - Game Two)
MY AUTO-
BIOGRAPHY
(My Life Story: My Youth; Years of Marriage and Religious Service; My Name Change; Coming Out; My Current Life; Monthly Life Updates, and "What Is the Deal With All the Pinocchio Stuff" Finally Explained, etc.)
HOW TO BE
A GAY CHRISTIAN
(Despite What You've Been Told Otherwise - Scripture Study Without Debate: The Compatability of Sexuality with Christian Ethics and the Christian Lifestyle; the Law of Christ, the Law of Love, etc.)
TRUE VERSES
FALSE CHRISTIANITY
(True Spirituality - Religion Verses Relationship, Grace Verses Law, Absolutism and Perfectionism Verses Normalness, etc.)
GOOD NEWS
(SCRIPTURES FOR THE GAY CHRISTIAN)
(Helpful Scriptures For Life Arranged By the Fruit of the Holy Spirit: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Gentleness, Goodness, Faith, Meekness, Self-Control, etc.)
HOW TO BE GAY!
GAY CHRISTIAN SELF-ESTEEM
(Build Healthy Gay and Lesbian Self-Esteem and Adult Development - The Need for a Firm Life Foundation in Jesus Christ; Sources and Effects of Dysfunction; False Guilt And Shame; Stereotypes and Misinformation About Homosexuality; False Coping Skills; Destructive and Dysfunctional Behaviors; Sexual Compulsions; Positive Self Development; Positive Relationship Development; Coming Out; Beyond Coming Out; Creating Healthy Choices and Behaviors; Inner-Healing; Self-Love; Self-Image; Self-Actualization; Following Christ; Christian Principles For Life, etc.)
OPEN LETTERS
(Common Letters and My Replies, Among the Many Are: Is Being Gay Wrong?; Why Sodom Was Really Destroyed; The Role of Women, Cultural Stereotypes; Gay Stereotypes; Should I Come Out?; My Spouse Is Gay; Sex Outside of a Relationship; I'm a Battered Spouse; After a Relationship Ends; What If My Church Finds Out I Am Gay?; Does God Accept or Reject Me?; What About Pornography?; My Parent Is Gay; I Need Help Finding a Church; Is Masturbation OK?; The Role of Reproduction; I'm Gay and Married; Should I Leave My Church?; How to Understand Scriptures; Is Change Possible?; What Does Being Gay Mean?, etc.)
LIVING THE GAY CHRISTIAN LIFE
(Articles on - Salvation; Baptisms; Sanctification; True Holiness; The Law of Christ, the Law of Love; Sin; Forgiveness; Communion; Sacraments; Prayer; Fasting; How to Study Scripture; Giving; Witnessing; Serving; Christian Ethics; Making Friends; Healthy and Positive Relationships; Christian Sexual Ethics, etc.)
GAY CHRISTIAN RELATIONSHIPS
(Developing Healthy Relationships - What if You are Gay And Married; Making Friends; Dating; Finding Good, Positive, and Healthy Relationships; Guidelines for Choosing a Church; How to Recognize a Good Church; Being Gay in the Christian World; Being Christian in the Gay World, Defining the Gay and Christian Worlds; Defining Yourself, etc.)
SAME-SEX
MARRIAGE
CEREMONY
(Traditional Marriage Ceremony for Catholic or Protestant Christians; Format, Suggested Music, Scriptures, Text, etc.)
GAY CHRISTIAN ATHLETICS
(How to Pass Gym Class - Proper Diet, Nutrition, Protein, Carbohydrates, Fat, and Fluids; Supplements; Sleep; Sex; Body Care - Bathing, Hair, Shaving, Teeth, Hands, Feet, Nails, Piercings, Tatoos, etc.; Clothes - Fashion Styles, Underwear, Shoes, Swimwear, Shirts, Pants, Skirts, Hats, etc.; Choosing and Using a Gym; the Locker Room; Gym Etiquette; Proper Use of Gym Equipment; Warm Up Tips; Descriptions of Individual Exercises for All Muscle Groups; Personalized Exercise Plans, etc.)
REFERENCED AND RECOMMENDED BOOKS
(Books on - Being Gay and Married; Coming Out; Straight Parents and Families of Gays; Gay Dating and Relationships; Gay Parenting; Gays and Christianity; Gay Youth; Children; Gay Medical, Health, and Sex; Gay Legal, Social, and Psychological Issues; the Lighter Side to Being Gay; Other Gay Topics; Recommended Christian, Fiction, and Other Style Books, etc.)
OTHER INTERNET LINKS
(Links to - Gay Accepting Churches, Denominations, Religious Support Groups, etc.; Gay Christian Resources; Coming Out Resources; Gay Educational and Library Resources; Information and Truth on Ex-Gay Ministries; Fun and Interesting Resources; HIV/AIDS; Medical, Sex, and Health Issues; Gay Literature and Poetry; Gay Magazines and News; Gay Organizations; Gay Relationship Resources; Gay Parenting Resources; Gay Youth Resources; Search Engines, etc.)
MY MUSIC
(Music Composed and Published by Me - Classical, Celtic. Samples May Be Found on Various Pages, too)
MY POETRY
(I May Not Be the Best Poet, But I Try; and, Yes, Most of These Are Romantic)
MY PICTURES
(Youth, Marriage & Ministry, Coming Out, Kilt, and Casual)
THANK YOU
(Thanks For Visiting My Website)
 Copyright 2008-1997. All Rights Reserved. BBCB. USA.
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 I grew up in a nice home, with loving parents, and yet, I hated myself, had very low self-esteem. I believed, falsely, that in order to achieve love and acceptance from my parents, family, and peers, I had to be the best at everything. This was the pair of glasses through which I saw the world, my base or foundation. I interpreted everything I saw, did, or came in contact with, through this view. What must be understood is this view was false, and so, then, was my world.
In college, I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior, and as a good, new Christian, I was excited and zealous for the Lord. Though I was re-born in Christ, I still carried with me many old habits, and foundations. So, it was only natural for me to approach my relationship with God in the same manner as I did with the rest of the world. I thought, in order to please God, I had to be the best Christian, pray, study and know the Bible, witness, and serve more than anyone else. The end result of many years of this practice and interpretation was complete spiritual burnout. I only recovered, and found true Christianity, through a direct personal intervention from God, a touch of God’s love.
I learned the definition of a Christian is based not on what you do, but who you are; who you are will determine what you do, and the right spirit behind what you do. What I was practicing wasn’t Christianity, but religion.
The definition of religion is "a set of rules, regulations, a system of beliefs or practices," whereby mankind tries to connect with God; this describes the majority of the world's religions. Christianity is the only religion that is not a "religion;" it is wrong to think "all religions are basically the same or are different paths to the same end." No, Christianity is defined as the "literal adoption of a person into an eternal personal relationship and fellowship with God and God's Family." The majority of the world's religions are devoted to people taking the initiative, turning inward or heavenward in the hopes of improving themselves, connect with God, and/or achieve some eternal reward; Christianity is the only "religion" where God took the initiative and reached down to us, and gives us not improved lives but a total new birth.
So, here I present to you some thoughts and observations to help you see and determine if you follow true Christianity, or false Christianity, mere religion. Knowing these things may help you understand why you think as you do, why you approach your relationship with God a certain way. Further, you might find insight into why and how you view yourself, why you approach God or Christianity the way you do, and determine if that way is true or false.
As a gay person, it is very easy for you to get involved in religion, "false Christianity," or even other religions, in the attempt and hopes that you might either be "cured," find a "miracle," suppress, deny or hide it. True Christianity teaches you how to be yourself, and celebrate self with responsibility, joy, peace, faith, hope, and Love.
| Oh, by the way... I know this article is several pages long, but you'll find reading it from beginning to end to be worth the time and effort. These pages are here to help and inspire you. So, please continue on to the next page, read the entire article. You can even download it, and read it offline. Thanks, Ben |
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 t a Christian Businessmen’s prayer breakfast, our guest speaker spoke about how he had time to pray and study the Bible three hours or more a day. The gentleman seated next to me turned to me and said, "Gee, I wished I had the time to do that; maybe if I did, I could be as spiritual as he." My telephone rings in the middle of the night, a distraught single mother, fretting over her checkbook. She was out of money, her son needed new gym shoes, and she was checking her checkbook over and over again to "make sure she didn’t accidentally forget to tithe somewhere," thus causing God to stop the flow of money to her life. Sound extreme? Not really, we’ve all wondered sometimes if the bad things happening in our lives are because we’ve made God unhappy somehow, or wondered if we took the time and energy to build our "spiritual muscles," then maybe we can arise above life’s difficulties and be successful.
I’ve known people who’ve attended church faithfully every Sunday, have read their Bibles cover to cover dozens of times, are always there to serve and help out, have a very intense prayer life, and yet they are very spiritually immature. I’ve known people who rarely get the time to attend church, or to pray, or to study their Bible, and yet I am slightly jealous of their intimate relationship with Jesus. I know of people who tithe regularly, who give generously without thought, and yet they never seem to prosper or get ahead. I know of other people who rarely give at all, and yet they have a new car every year. I’ve met people who come across as the most spiritual, the most knowledgeable about God and Jesus, and yet they show the greatest bigotry, judgmental and critical spirit, and the least love. I’ve observed other people who come across as very ignorant of God, and yet they show the greatest Christ-like love, compassion, and care. Why?
Even if you’ve come from a totally non-Christian background, or may have even been involved in different religions, these situations and questions are common. They’re common because of the base, the foundation through which we often view our world, and view it dysfunctionally.
 if these sound familiar. Let's chat about them.
Let’s look at a few of these situations and questions...
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 ne of the most common and universal false foundations is absolutes, or black and white thinking. You see the world and self as good or bad, black or white, pure or evil, perfect or flawed. There is no middle, no gray, and no neutral. Things either are right or not; there is no in between. You think in extremes, there is no middle.
The root of this thinking is perfectionism, the need for everything to fit nicely, to be orderly, predictable, and easy to understand and figure out. Your need for control makes you compartmentalize yourself, life and other people. You continually judge self and others to determine if it’s all right or not, do anything to avoid error, and justify anything that doesn’t fit your narrow view of the world.
The flaw of this thinking is the world is anything but perfect, anything but predictable. People just don’t follow predictable patterns, and neither does life, but for some reason, this form of thinking is hard to shake. It’s hard to shake because it’s so easy to justify it by observation. You see someone doing something or using something irresponsibly, and it’s easy to declare it wrong in all cases, because it makes it easy to predict life, or so you think. But, then you get confronted with people who seem to be right in their lives but enjoy the liberty of something you think wrong or that goes against your beliefs. When this happens, it’s all too easy to dig the moat deeper, raise the drawbridge, and cling more rigidly to your absolutes, than it is to open up your heart and mind to other possibilities. To dare think some or much of life is actually gray, or neutral until acted upon, is a threat to your absolute thinking, your need for control.
Absolute thinking does some interesting things. It isolates you from anything and anyone that doesn’t fit your narrow views. It cripples your ability to make rational decisions, or any decisions at all. It makes you unable to handle change, crisis, loss, or pain. Unable to distill life down to simple black and white, you sit going nowhere, waiting vainly for simplistic solutions to your life issues, rendering yourself impotent in spirit, mind, and body, going nowhere. The more and more life proves itself to be unpredictable, not black or white, the more rigidly you cling to your dogmas, rules, regulations, and laws.
 Absolute thinking makes independent thinking, questioning, and doubts forbidden. This is the way it is, the way it will always be, and if you question or doubt, you don’t have enough faith, or you are rebellious, and refuse to submit to authority. If it doesn’t come from your base, it is suspect. You wouldn’t dare question your pastors or religious teachers; after all, they know what is right for you. You wouldn’t dare read a book about a Bible topic that is different than what you believe because it might cause you to "error." Your church or religious upbringing is right and everyone else’s is wrong. You are quick to judge a movie, television show, or book as evil without even attempting to learn about it, view it, or understand it. If someone does challenge your beliefs or foundation, you become angry and defensive, instead of calm and secure. Loyalty is a virtue to you, but blind loyalty is stupid. You think being disloyal, even if evidence shows it unhealthy, is a sin. You’d rather not think about things that contradict, look the other way at inconsistencies, and avoid anything that doesn’t quite measure up. Come hell or high water, you’d rather go down with the ship, than speak up and question. God forbid you actually do some thinking for yourself, research some other differing opinions about what certain Bible verses mean, or trust God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit to lead and teach you without the "help" of anyone else.
But God gave you a brain, and I think Jesus intends for you to use it. Just because we question, or doubt, doesn’t mean it’s unhealthy, sinful, or that we "don’t have enough faith." In fact, questioning, researching, seeking facts and other opinions, is a sign of maturity, strength, and responsibility. To relinquish to someone else what you believe or who you ought to be is a sign of immaturity, and insecurity. To question or consider information that is different might make you realize that what you believe or are is wrong, and you can’t handle that, would rather live in isolation behind your strong walls of absolutism than admit and embrace change.
 pin you out of control, and I guarantee that whatever you grab on to, you will grab tightly and strongly. Many people choose spirituality to find some form of control or stability in their lives. Instead of dealing with your insecurities and dysfunctions, you escape from them through spirituality. Spirituality that offers absolutes, simplistic thinking and views of life are very inviting to someone who is insecure, unstable, who don’t like self, and seeks reform of or deliverance from self. Further, if you are a person who wrestles with addictions of any kind, be they sex, drugs, alcohol, anything, even shopping, it’s common for you to seek in absolute spirituality quick fixes and formulas to be set free from them. You seek someone outside of yourself to fix you, think if you do this or that, or think this or that way, you will finally be set free, happy… perfect. Being gay makes you a perfect candidate for this false thinking.
You have to continually practice your spirituality, lest you "fall away from the true faith." Miss a church service and you feel guilty. You justify attending spiritual meetings, instead of partaking in family functions, or even going to work. It’s better for you to go barefoot than have your pastor go without a new pair of shoes. You haven’t knocked on as many doors for Jesus this week as you did last week. You should pray more, it’s been a few weeks since you last fasted or "gave up something for Jesus." If you want just average income, then give an average tithe to God, but if you want abundant income, then give abundantly to God. This church isn’t "on fire" anymore, and you decide to go to try another church, float from church to church, never blooming, because you’re never planted. This church isn’t preaching the "true Gospel," so you think you’ll go start your own, or wait until God leads you to one that is right. You think you need to search your heart more, or deeper, to root out all that’s wrong and sinful, so you can finally be a "worthy vessel," and have God’s blessing flow through you.
Black and white thinking and perfectionism attracts persons who have addictions, habits, and dysfunctions. It also attracts persons who hate themselves, or who are very insecure. Trying to cure the one, they often end up transferring one for the other. If you are addicted to alcohol, for example, you might turn to absolutism, through blind adherence to formulas, laws, and rules, to "cure you." But, instead of finding deliverance from alcoholism, you simply transfer one addiction for another. Bound now to a fear that one slip in your faith will cause you to slip back into your alcoholism, you become overly zealous in your faith, caught up in a never ending cycle of needing more rules and formulas to keep yourself and your life in control. You can easily replace alcoholism with other dysfunctions, such as over-eating, sexual addictions, drugs, gambling, compulsive behaviors, co-dependencies, depression, anxieties, fears and phobias, even “confusion or denial of your sexuality or sexual orientation,” and see how the quick fix promises of absolutism and perfectionism seem so inviting and hopeful. Gay people often turn to absolutism, thinking if they do this or that God will cure them of their sexual orientation. When this doesn’t happen, the "temptations return or remain," they become even more zealous and rigid in their spirituality.
See Also: Autobiography Religious Service, Living the Gay Christian Life.
to chat about trying to be perfect and please God.
 | et's move on to learn how false things bind you, and how to find true Christianity and spirituality... |
  
You may also read a companion article How You Can Be A Gay Christian...
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